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Q: What is the most insensitive part of a penis?

A: The man

Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?

A: Beat it! We’re closed…

While enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke
decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone
by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink
and eventually asks him if he’d like to come back to her place.

The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her
flat they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it.

Finally, the spent young bloke rolls over, pulls out a
cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to
find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand.

“There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replies.

Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of
matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another
man. Naturally, the bloke begins to worry. “Is this your
husband?” he inquires nervously.

“No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend then?”

“No, don’t be daft,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.

“Well, who is he then?” demands the bewildered bloke.
Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her
face and replies, “That’s me before the operation.”

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.

* Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

* If you get tired, wait ten minutes then go at it again.

* The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

* You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you the candy.

* Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.

* 40 years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.

* If you wear a Bill Clinton mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.

* Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

* Less guilt the next morning.

* If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!!!

© 2015