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Q: Whats the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad?
A: A regular toad croaks “Ribbit Ribbit” while a horney toad croaks “Rub-it Rub-it”

Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely
three feet tall but they were attracted to each other.
After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s
“I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,”
said the woman, “especially with the size difference and all.”
“Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs
apart and close your eyes,” said the midget.
The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest
thing she’d ever experienced inside her.
Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times.
“If you think that was good,” said the midget with a smirk, “Just
wait till I get BOTH legs in there!”


13) Although you know the batting average of every New York Yankee, you can’t remember your girlfriend’s dress size or the color of her eyes… or her name.

12) Let’s put it this way: In the “Mr. Hairy Back” pageant, you wouldn’t have to settle for the congeniality award.

11) The makers of “Frozen Meals For One” made you their “Customer of the Year” — again.

10) In your world, nothing says “I love you” like a head butt.

9) You suggest the topic “Top Signs You’re Going to Spend the Rest of Your Life Single,” mistakenly thinking that your equally-hopeless fellow contributors might give you some clue as to what you’re doing wrong.

8) The 6-inch pumps and leather mini may be a bit too risqu

This guy goes into a doctors and says “Doctor, doctor you’ve gotta help me. I just can’t stop having sex!”
“Well how often do you have it?” the doctor asks.
“Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day”, he answers back.
“That’s not so much”, says the doctor.
“Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day,” replies the man.
“Well that is probably a bit excessive,” says the doctor.
“Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day,” says the man.
“Well, that’s definitely to much”, says the doctor. “You’ve got to learn to take yourself in hand.”
“I do”, says the man. “Twice a day.”

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