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Q: What’s the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
A: One’s a snack cracker, the other’s a crack snacker.

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her
place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect
They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy
walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There’s hundreds of
them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and
window sill, there’s more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over
the bed.
Later after they’ve had sex, he turns to her and asks “So, how was I?”
She says “Well… you can take anything from the bottom shelf.”

Two nuns are walking down an alley when two guys jump out of the dark.
They start
raping the nuns and the first nun says, “Forgive them, Father, for
they know not what they
do!” The second one says, “This one does!”

Q: What is the difference between a Certificate of Deposit and Intercourse?

A: A Certificate of Deposit has significant penalty for early withdrawl.

An ode to the cut
that never heals.
The more you touch it
the better it feels.

You can rub it and scrub it
and brush it like hell.
But you will never get rid
of that damn cod fish smell.

© 2015