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Q: Why is a man at his smartest when he is having sex?

A: Because he’s plugged into a woman!

The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint.

“Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive.”

“Come on now Mr Peters,” the doctor said, “your sex drives all in your head.”

“Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little.”

Q: What’s the most active muscle in a woman?

A: The penis.

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Should I really shave my balls?
If I don’t, she’ll surely bitch.
Does she care how much I’ll itch?

Take the razor and lather up,
Gawd that bitch is so corrupt!
Doesn’t she care that I could slip?
Shave my balls and cut off my dick?

Easy now, hands don’t shake,
She’ll call me “Stumpy” with one mistake.
Pubes in her teeth she really can’t bear,
If I want some head… get ridda the hair.

So I shave my balls all nice and slick,
Did it up nice without one nick!
“Feel ‘em baby, they’re so smooth!”
“Take off your clothes, get in the groove!”

She looks at me from our little bed,
“I’m sleepy, Baby… ain’t giving no head!”
She rolls on over and gives me her back,
I’m so pissed off, I’m about to crack!

Next day, it’s breakfast in the sheets,
I spoon her bites which she gladly eats.
And I must confess I think it’s fair,
That her omelet was made with pubic hair.

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast.
They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls and letters and e-mails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what she did was this:
She took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.” Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed. So what he did next was awesome:
He wrote on the back of the photo the following: “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!” and then mailed the picture to her parents.



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