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A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says “I’ll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus CAN’T play”
The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look,picks it up, tunes the string, and starts playing the guitar.The octopus’ owner pockets the $50
Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it’s lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy pockets yet another $50.
The bar owner has been watching all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back a few Moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, “Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I’ll give you $100.”
The octopus takes a long hard look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another look from a different angle.
Puzzled, the octopus’ owner comes over and says “What are you waitin for? Hurry up and play that damn thing!”
The octopus says, “Play it? Hell if I can work out how to get it’s pajamas off, I’m gonna screw it!”

Q: What’s the best way to kill a man?

A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies
when his toupee slides off. As he’s groping around for it, his hand goes
between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.
She says, “That’s it! That’s it!”
He says, “It can’t be. I part mine on the side.”

Q: Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

A: The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

A: She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Q: What’s the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.



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