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A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies
when his toupee slides off. As he’s groping around for it, his hand goes
between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.
She says, “That’s it! That’s it!”
He says, “It can’t be. I part mine on the side.”

Q: On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll?

A: Instead of staring at the bikinis, he’s staring at the beach balls.

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: His hand caught fire.

A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips over and lands spread legged on the bathroom floor. She tries to stand up again but realizes that she landed so hard that her vagina has stuck to the floor creating such a vacuum that she can’t move.

She calls out to her husband for help. He tries with all his strength to lift her up but she won’t budge. So he goes next door and gets the neighbor. Both of them are pulling like oxen but she just won’t move. She is truly stuck to the floor.

Suddenly the neighbor says, “Why don’t we just get a hammer and break the tiles around her legs and lift her that way?”

“Great idea,” says the husband, “But let me rub her boobs a little to arouse her.”

“Why?” asks a confused neighbor.

“She’ll need the lubrication so I can slide her over into the kitchen. The tiles are cheaper in there.”

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: “TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00.”

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: “JESUS SAVES.”

One of the girls asked the cop, “Why don’t you stop them?!”

“Well, that’s a little different,” the cop smiled. “Their sign pertains to religion.”

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read:


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