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A nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining apartment.
“Mrs Smith, do you think it is right that a seventeen year old boy spends
three hours every night in your apartment?”
Mrs Smith replied. “Its a platonic friendship. Its play for him and a
tonic for me.”

An Eskimo’s snowmobile goes on the fritz. He takes it to a mechanic, who, after examining the vehicle, says, “I think you’ve blown a seal.”

To which the Eskimo replies, “No, that’s just a little ice on my mustache.”

An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach.
A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak.
“Oh, thank you!” said the elephant.
“My, pleasure ma’am.” said the sparrow.
“Listen, Mr. Sparrow, if there’s anything I can ever do for you, don’t hesitate to ask.”
The sparrow said, “Well, all my life I wondered how it would feel to fuck an elephant.”
“Be my guest!”, said the elephant.
So the sparrow flew behind the elephant and started fucking. In the trees above, a monkey in the tree saw this and became very excited. He started to masturbate, shaking a coconut loose and it fell from the tree, hitting the elephant on the head.
“OUCH!”, said the elephant.
Then sparrow looked over from behind and said, “Am I hurting you, dear?”

A nun and a priest are wandering, lost, in the desert, when all of a sudden their camel up and dies. Seeing nothing but sand around them for miles, they prepare themselves to meet their Maker.

The Priest, knowing that he’s mere hours away from death, says, “You know, I’ve never seen a woman’s breasts before. Since it probably won’t matter any more, would you show me yours?”

The nun agrees and shows him.

He asks, “May I touch them?”

She agrees, and he tells her with complete sincerity that they’re very nice.

Next, the nun says that she’s never seen a man’s penis before, and would he mind showing her his. He agrees and whips it out.

“That’s very nice!” she says. “May I touch it?”

He agrees and she fondles him, resulting, of course, in a large chubby.

The priest, now overcome with years of pent-up lust, says, “You know, if I put my penis in the right place, it can give life!”

She asks, “Is that so?”


“Then why don’t you stick it up that camel’s ass and let’s get the hell out of here!”

Q: Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
A: So men can tell if they are coming or going.

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