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After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.

“Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?” God asked.

“I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There’s drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it-a regular Sodom and Gomorra. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. I’m afraid it has reached epidemic proportions.”

“Hmmm,” God said thoughtfully, “Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?”

“I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on Judgment Day if they do not stop this type of activity,” replied St. Peter.

“That is an effective solution,” God stated, “but I think that instead of punishing those who practice oral sex, we should reward those who refrain from it. Let’s send a letter that’s personally signed by me to each one of these good people.”

And so they did.

Do you know what the letter said?


Hmmm… So YOU didn’t get the letter either, huh??

While leading a party of girl scouts through the woods in silent Indian fashion, our troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in an indecent act.

“Back ladies, back!” cried the leader. “There’s a very dangerous beast out there!”

But it was too late, several of the kids had more-or-less seen all. They asked their leader what was happening.

“Well, if you… er… must know, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration.”

“WOW!” exclaimed the oldest of the group. “I know which merit badge I’m gonna try for next!”

There’s a hooker in my cooker,
and boy, she is a quite a looker!
It started out, all last night,
when there was a great fight.

A guy was sporting a leopard-skin coat,
the girl was screaming like a goat.
The guy asked if I wanted a piece,
I said, “Good Lord, that cooch smells like cheese!”

The pimp swore that she was clean,
he also stated that she was mean.
So I took him up on that,
$45.00? For a bitch that fat?

We strolled up on up to my room
When the neighbors heard a SONIC BOOM!
The bed we were on, seemed to have broke,
God-Almighty, I popped that girl’s yolk!

Then all of a sudden she started to scream,
I yelled, “OMIGOD, I’m gonna cream!”
My sheets were drenched in semen and sweat,
I said, “Damn, bitch, yer twat’s wet!”

She got on all fours, and begged for more
I thought to myself, “Damn, what a whore!?”
So I got behind her, and gave her my stuff,
She began to huff and puff, then later she got rough.

She turned herself around, and showed me her tit
I said, “C’mon, baby, lemme get a little bit!”
She said, “Damn, baby, NOT SO HARD!”
So we started again, her tits shook like a tub-a-lard.

When we were done, we decided to lay down
All was quiet, there wasn’t any sound…
Then all of a sudden, we heard a knock at the door,
The people outside screamed, “Where is that whore?!”

I said, “Hurry up, bitch, get in the oven!”
She said, “C’mon, honey, quit wit’ da shovin!”
I let the people in, and they snooped around
They ask the question, “And who owns this gown?”

They said it must be hers, it smells like cheese!
I said, “C’mon guys, get out please.”
They asked what was the scent coming from the cooker,
I said to myself, “They’re gonna find that hooker!”

I said, “Its nothing, just my extra cheesy pizza.”
Someone yelled, “I betcha it’s that bitch Mitsa!”
They said, “Open the oven, we gotta take a look,”
I said, “C’mon guys, I gotta let my pizza cook!”

All of a sudden, I had a gun in my face,
“If you don’t open that oven, you’re brains will be all over the place”
I became scared, so I reached for a pot,
The last thing I heard was that gun shot.

When I woke up, I was laying in cream
And to my astonishment, it was a wet dream
I went to the kitchen to get a coffee-cup,
I heard a sound in the oven, I wonder what’s up…

I grab a knife, and slowly walk over
I think to myself, “Damn what’s that odor?”
I open the door, and to my dismay,
There was that bitch, saying, “I WANT MY PAY!”

The church service was under way and they passed the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stopped the service and announced, “Who ever put the $100.00 bill in the plate please stand up.”

A gay man stood up and said, “I did.”

The preacher told him, “Since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymns.”

Excitedly, the gay guy said, “Well, I’ll take him and him and him!”

Once upon a time in China lived two men whose names were I KUM and NO KUM. NO KUM was married to a young and very pretty girl named NO KUM TU, while I KUM was single.

One night I KUM went to see is friend NO KUM. Upon arriving at NO KUM’S home, I KUM found out that NO KUM was not at home. NO KUM’S wife, NO KUM TU, invited I KUM to stay the night with her. That night NO KUM TU came which

gave I KUM great pleasure as I KUM came too.

After a time NO KUM found out that he was going to be a father, but NO KUM didn’t know how come. When the little child was born, NO KUM named him HOW KUM YOU KUM.

But NO KUM TU and I KUM know how come HOW KUM YOU KUM came. To this day NO KUM doesn’t know how come HOW KUM YOU KUM came.

© 2015