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Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Should I really shave my balls?
If I don’t, she’ll surely bitch.
Does she care how much I’ll itch?

Take the razor and lather up,
Gawd that bitch is so corrupt!
Doesn’t she care that I could slip?
Shave my balls and cut off my dick?

Easy now, hands don’t shake,
She’ll call me “Stumpy” with one mistake.
Pubes in her teeth she really can’t bear,
If I want some head… get ridda the hair.

So I shave my balls all nice and slick,
Did it up nice without one nick!
“Feel ‘em baby, they’re so smooth!”
“Take off your clothes, get in the groove!”

She looks at me from our little bed,
“I’m sleepy, Baby… ain’t giving no head!”
She rolls on over and gives me her back,
I’m so pissed off, I’m about to crack!

Next day, it’s breakfast in the sheets,
I spoon her bites which she gladly eats.
And I must confess I think it’s fair,
That her omelet was made with pubic hair.

Q: How do you know a blond has been using your computer?

A: When the joy stick is wet!

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.

“How am I doing?” He asks.

“Three knots,” she replies.

“Three knots? What’s that mean?”

“You’re not hard, you’re not in, and you’re not getting your money back.”

Penis breath, a lover’s dread,
Is what you get when you give head.
Unpleasant as it tends to be,
Be grateful that he doesn’t pee.

It’s times like this, you wonder why,
You bothered reaching for his fly.
But it’s too late, can’t be a tease,
Accept the facts, get on your knees.

You know you’ve got a job to do,
So open wide and shove it through,
Lick the tip then take it all.
Don’t drag your teeth or he might bawl.

Slide up and down, use your tongue.
And feel the precum start to run,
Your jaw it aches, your neck is numb,
So when the hell’s he gonna cum?

Just, when you can’t take anymore,
You hear your lover’s mighty roar.
And when he hits that real high note,
You feel it oozing down your throat.

Salty, fishy, sticky stuff,
Okay already, that’s enough.
Let’s switch you say, before you gag,
And what revenge, you’re on the rag!

Q: How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
A: He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.

© 2015