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* A clitoris is a type of flower.

* A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.

* “Spread eagle” is an extinct bird.

* Vagina is a medical term used to describe a heart attack.

* A menstrual cycle has three wheels.

* A G-string is part of a fiddle.

* Semen is a term for sailors.

* Anus is a Latin term for sailors.

* Testicles are found on an octopus.

* Asphalt describes rectal problems.

* KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.

* Masturbate is a lure used to catch large fish.

* Coitus is a musical instrument.

* Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.

* An umbilical chord is part of a parachute.

* A condom is a large apartment complex.

* An orgasm is a musician who accompanies a church choir.

* A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.

* A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.

* An erection is when Japanese people vote.

* A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.

* Sodomy is a special variety of fast growing grass.

* Pornography is the business of making records.

* Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.

* Douche is the French word for “two.”

THE OLD VERSION

If you love somebody, set her free. If she comes back, she’s yours. If she doesn’t, she never was….

THE NEW VERSIONS

MY FAVORITE VERSION
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.

PESSIMIST
If you love somebody, set her free … If she ever comes back, she’s yours. If she doesn’t, well, as expected, she never was.

OPTIMIST
If you love somebody, set her free … Don’t worry, she will come back.

SUSPICIOUS
If you love somebody, set her free … If she ever comes back, ask her why.

VENGEFUL
If you love somebody, set her free … If she doesn’t come back, hunt her down and shoot her.

C++ PROGRAMMER
if(you-love(m_she)) m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;

ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST
If you love somebody, set her free … In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

BILL GATES
If you love somebody, set her free … If she comes back, I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and but tell her that she’s also going to get an upgrade.

BIOLOGIST
If you love somebody, set her free … She’ll evolve.

SCHWARZENEGGER FAN
If you love somebody, set her free … SHE’LL BE BACK!

OVERPOSSESSIVE
If you love somebody … don’t set her free.

PSYCHOLOGIST
If you love somebody set her free … If she comes back, her super ego is dominant. If she doesn’t come, back her id is supreme. If she doesn’t go, she must be crazy.

SOMNAMBULIST
If you love somebody set her free … If she comes back, it’s a nightmare. If she doesn’t, you must be dreaming.

RHETT BUTLER
If you love somebody set YOURSELF FREE … If she asks you why, say you don’t give a damn.

MARKETING EXPERT
If you love somebody set her free … If she comes back, she has brand loyalty, If she doesn’t, reposition the brand in new markets.

Q: How do u get 4 gay men to sit on 1 stoll?

A: You turn it over!

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, “Going to a party?”

“Yeah,” the man answered, “I’m supposed to come dressed as my love life.”

“But you look like Abe Lincoln,” protested the barkeep.

“That’s right. My last four scores were seven years ago.”



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