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A Chinese couple is in bed. The husband says he wants 69. His wife says, “Why you want Beef and Broccoli now?”

A Sailor met a good looking blonde at the bar and was trying to get laid without much success.

“I don’t date servicemen,” she said, “but I am curious as to why you sailors have those two rows of buttons on your pants.”

“Why, that’s because we have two dicks,” the sailor replied.

“Interesting, probably twice as much fun,” replied the blonde, “let’s go to my place and try them out.”

So they did, and after the first screwing the blonde says, “Boy, that was sure nice. Now that I’m rested and still horny, I want the other one.”

Whereupon the sailor undid the other side of buttons, pulled out a limp, weary dick, looked at it and sadly declared, “Well, I’ll be damned! He’s pouting because he wasn’t FIRST!”

Q: What does a lesbian think the string on the end of a tampoon is for?
A: For flossing after eating.

Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping. The guy in back, Paul, says, “Oh yeah, Oh yeah!”

Then the first guy turns around and says, ” Hey Paul, shut up!”

Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, “Yeah baby..mmmm….yeah!”

Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.

The guy in front says, “Hey Paul, where’s all your excitement now?”

Paul says, “All over your back!”

A guy rings work and says “I can`t come in to work today as I`m sick”
The voice at the other end asks “How sick are you ??”
The guy says “Well I`m in bed with my 12 year old son !!”

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