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Q: Why did the blond prostitute think she was a poet?
A: Because she layed and he paid

Q: What’s the fastest way to get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an altar boy.

There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the
husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year
old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son’s room
and says “Son do you remember that session I arranged for you with
mademoiselle Ginette ?” “Oh yes papa, I remember very well” says the son.
“Well son it is time you knew that the birds and the bees do the same

Q: What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?
A: “Not according to Dad.”

Tarzan gets in a terrible fight with a ferocious lion, and loses an eye, an arm, and his weenie. The animals of the jungle nurse Tarzan back to health. They give him the eye of a hawk, the arm of a gorilla, and for a pecker, they give him a baby elephant’s trunk.

After about a week, Cheetah comes up to Tarzan and says, “Tarzan, how you like-a your new parts?”

Tarzan says, “Eye good…Tarzan see far, clear…Arm good…long, strong…but Tarzan not crazy about new weenie… all day long, pickup weeds and stuff up Tarzan’s ass.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.

Jane, a reporter, went to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while. Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion, Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.

As she reclined on the wild grass, Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch. In pain she screamed, “What the hell did you do that for?”

Tarzan replied, “Always check for squirrels.”

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