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A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.

They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.

“Well, OK,” he says, “How a ’bout a blow job?”

“EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwwwwww!” she screams. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”

He says, “Well, then, how about a hand job?”

“I’ve never done that,” she says. “What do I have to do?”

“Well,” he answers, “Remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?” She nods. “Well, it’s just like that.”

So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.

“What’s wrong?!” she cries out.

“TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!!!!!!”

Q: “Wanna play army?”

A: “I’ll lay down and you can blow the hell out of me!”

I think we could balance the Federal Budget if we taxed sex. Everyone would pay their share. Young people would pay more taxes and your tax liability would decrease as you got older. (some of us)

It would also promote family values. How would you like to come home to your wife and have her ask, “Honey, why is your tax bill larger than mine?” Or be a teenager and come home to your dad with your tax tax bill in his hand.

We wouldn’t have to pay people to work for the IRS, they would be paying to work there just so they could review peoples returns. Locker room conversations would change… “Get a load of this tax bill!”

The forms would change a little also. We would now have a 1040Quickee. And it would give a whole new meaning to the phrase.. “Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.”

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader’s table.

Said the mysterious old woman, “For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future.”

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, “I can see that you have no girlfriend.”

“That’s true,” said Paul.

“Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Paul shamefully admitted. “That’s amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?”

“Love line? No, from the calluses.”

Q: What part of a woman does a man like looking at best?
A: The top of her head.



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