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Q: How many gay men does it take to put in a light bulb?
A: Only one…but it takes an entire Emergency Room to get it out.

Tarzan gets in a terrible fight with a ferocious lion, and loses an eye, an arm, and his weenie. The animals of the jungle nurse Tarzan back to health. They give him the eye of a hawk, the arm of a gorilla, and for a pecker, they give him a baby elephant’s trunk.

After about a week, Cheetah comes up to Tarzan and says, “Tarzan, how you like-a your new parts?”

Tarzan says, “Eye good…Tarzan see far, clear…Arm good…long, strong…but Tarzan not crazy about new weenie… all day long, pickup weeds and stuff up Tarzan’s ass.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.

Jane, a reporter, went to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while. Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion, Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.

As she reclined on the wild grass, Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch. In pain she screamed, “What the hell did you do that for?”

Tarzan replied, “Always check for squirrels.”

There’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement
home. The old man says to the woman, “For five dollars, I’ll have sex
with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex
with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my room,
light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you’ll
never forget.”

The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her
purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says, “So, you want the
romantic night in my room, eh?”

The woman replies, “No, I want four times in the rocker.”

Q: What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A: Goes-in-tight!

Q: What’s the best form of birth control after 50?

A: Nudity

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