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Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well-hung!

Donald Duck walked into a drugstore and asked for a packet of condoms.

“Certainly, sir,” said the lady behind the counter. “Shall I put them on your bill?”

“No way!” replied Donald Duck. “What do you think I am, a dickhead?”

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench. Suddenly a man comes along, flings open his trench coat and flashes them.

Two have a stroke… but the third doesn’t ’cause her arms aren’t long enough.

“Hello?” Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated, “Hello?”

“I’ll bet you want me to come into your bedroom,” a male voice whispered
huskily, “… undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you until
morning.”

“Geez,” the woman replied, “you can tell all that from two hello’s?”

Back in the ’70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was
showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned
to his friend, and said, “Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives
flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, `Oh, great.
Now I’ll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air.’ `Why?’
says her friend. `Don’t you have a vase?'”

They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish. Inside, women
are reclining on couches, naked as jaybirds, with flowers protruding from
their vaginas. Hefner and his friend have another laugh and are flirting
with the girls when suddenly, from the next room, there is a bloodcurdling
shriek!

“What was that?” starts Hefner’s friend.

“Oh, probably just the umbrella stand… “



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