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Ask any man and he will tell you that any woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in the Jewish version of this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

Q: What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common?
A: The Hanger.

There’s an Ahmish girl riding in a buggy with her mother, and she
say’s “my hands are
really cold, how can I warm them up?” Her mother say’s “Put them
between your legs,
that will warm them up.” So she does, and her mother was right. The
next day the girl is
riding in the buggy with her boyfriend, and he says his hands are
cold, so the girl say’s,
“Put them between my legs, that will warm them up.” So he does, and
his hands get
warm. The next day he has a cold nose, and they use the same remedy.
The day after that
he say’s “My dick is really cold” and the girl says, “Put it between
my legs and warm it
up.” So he does. She’s talking to her mother the next day and she
asks, “Mom have you
ever heard of a penis?” Her mother says, “Yes, why do you ask?” She
says I don’t know
what they are, but they make an awful mess when they thaw out!

I recently tried some of these new ‘flavoured’ condoms. I bought one of
each flavour they had, and tried each one in turn every time i got a shag.
My girlfriend likes to lick each one before i insert it in her, just to
see what flavour i was wearing.
The first night she said “Mmmmm, Cherry flavour”,
The second night she said “Mmmmm, Mint flavour”,
The third night she said “Mmmmm, Strawberry flavour”,
and so on, until we had reached the final flavour,
and she said “Mmmmm, Cheese flavour”
“Cheese flavour ??” i said “I haven’t put one on yet!”

An old sailor goes to a brothel,
where he chooses his girl and begins.
“How am I doing?” He asks.
“Three knots,” she replies.
“Three knots? What’s that mean?”
“You’re not hard, you’re not in,
and you’re not getting your money back.”

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