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* Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

* If you get tired, wait ten minutes then go at it again.

* The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

* You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you the candy.

* Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.

* 40 years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.

* If you wear a Bill Clinton mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.

* Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

* Less guilt the next morning.

* If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!!!

One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he
was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He
stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet
masturbating.
The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew what he was doing in
there and that he should save it for marriage.
Little Jimmy agreed to this only because it was coming from a priest.
About a week later the priest ran into Jimmy at the mall and asked him how
he was doing with his problem.
Jimmy replied “Great father, I’ve saved a whole quart!”

Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Kissing is a habit,
screwing is a game,
boys get all the pleasure,
girls get all the pain.

He says he loves you
and you believe it’s true,
but when your stomach starts to swell
he says the hell with you!!!

16 minutes of pleasure,
9 months of pain,
3 days in the hospital,
a baby with no name.

The baby is a bastard
the mother is a whore,
it never would of happened
if the rubber hadn’t tore!

Harry noticed he was running low on rubbers, so he stopped by the local drugstore.

“What size?” asked the blonde pharmacist’s assistant sweetly.

When he admitted he wasn’t sure of his size. The blonde led him into the back room, lifted her skirt and told him to enter her. He was delighted to oblige.

“Size six,” she told him after a moment. “Now, take it out. How many?”

Harry bought a dozen, and on his way home, he ran into his friend Tom. Harry eagerly told Tom the whole story.

Tom rushed down to the drugstore to place on order, “But I’m afraid I don’t know my size,” he told the sales girl.

So the blonde led him in to the back room and repeated the procedure. “Size seven, Sir. Now take it out please. How many?”

But Tom kept on going until he was done. “None, thanks,” he told her, zipping up his pants and grinning. “I just came in for a fitting.”



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