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Q: Why is it so hard for women to find kind, sweet, sensitive men in this world?
A: Because they already have boyfriends!

Q: How can a man tell when his sperm count is elevated?
A: His girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man’s penis.

In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate. Even before she has begun to remove her veils: *Ting-a-ling* goes the little bell…

“Oh Patrick,” says the Monsignor, “I am so disappointed in your complete lack of self-control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness.”

As Patrick leaves, the dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops: *Ting-a-ling* goes the bell…

“Joseph, Joseph,” sighs the Monsignor. “You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness.”

The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved.

“James, my son, I am truly proud of you,” says the Monsignor. “Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest. Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the shower.”

*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell…

* When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.

* Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither and don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.

* In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.

* You can catch and release a fish, you don’t have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

* You don’t have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.

* You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler. If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.

* Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

Q: How do you know if a guy has a high sperm count?
A: His girlfriend has to chew before swallowing!



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