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There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing
how much their husbands could get up their crotch.
The first women said, “My husband can get his whole hand up me”.
The second lady said, “My husband can get his whole head up me”.
The third lady slid down the bar stool.

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming, “Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that’s come off of me fly? I canna button me pants. ”

“Oh Angus … I’ve got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it.”

About 5 minutes later there’s a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs.

Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose comes Angus. The little lady looks at him and says, “My god, what happened to ya? Did you ask her like I told you?”

“Aye,” says Angus. “I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did. Everything was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in… “

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend is frigid?
A: When you open her legs the lights go on

Did you hear about the lesbian who took Viagra?
She couldn’t get her tongue back in her mouth for a week.

(To the tune of Nothing Could Be Finer Than To Be In Carolina In The Morning)

Oh! Nothin’ could be finer than to be in a vagina…
in the mornin’.
Nothin’ could be sweeter than my sweetie when I
‘meat’ her in the mornin’.

All the little whories, hang around my door
Whisperin’ dirty stories, I never heard before.

Jumpin’ on my girlie, when the dew is pearly…
in the mornin’.
Dicky he just rises up, and slips into that
warm moist cup at dawnin’

If I had a Sultan’s harem, just for a day
I’d tell ‘em all, and here’s what I say.

Nothin’ could be finer than to be in a Vagina
in the mornin’!



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