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Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, “My dad’s tougher than your dad!”
“Oh yeah?” said Little Johnny, “My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for
dinner!”
“Really?”
Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, ‘Turn out the light, I
wanna eat it!’”

One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to
come down to earth
to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman with a great
shape and they went
to her apartment she only had one small problem, she had a speech
impediment, but this
didn’t affect their sex. They went at it hot and heavy all night long
then in the morning
Thor had to leave so he decided he should at least tell her his name,
so he said to her, “I’m
Mighty Thor and I have to leave now.” She looked at him and said,
“You’re thore I’m tho
thore I can hardly pith.”

I recently tried some of these new ‘flavoured’ condoms. I bought one of
each flavour they had, and tried each one in turn every time i got a shag.
My girlfriend likes to lick each one before i insert it in her, just to
see what flavour i was wearing.
The first night she said “Mmmmm, Cherry flavour”,
The second night she said “Mmmmm, Mint flavour”,
The third night she said “Mmmmm, Strawberry flavour”,
and so on, until we had reached the final flavour,
and she said “Mmmmm, Cheese flavour”
“Cheese flavour ??” i said “I haven’t put one on yet!”

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an extremely gorgeous woman.
The first thing he notices about her though, are her pants. They were
skin-tight, high-waisted and had no obvious mechanism (zipper, buttons or
velcro) for opening them.
After several minutes of puzzling over how she got the pants up over her
hips, he finally worked up the nerve to ask her.
“Excuse me miss, but how do you get into your pants?”
“Well,” she replied, “you can start by buying me a drink.”

Q: Why couldn’t the Lesbian tennis star compete in the Dutch Open?

A: She got her finger caught in a dike!



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