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A guy complains to his doctor that his sex life is deteriorating rapidly.

The doctor tells him he needs to reintroduce some excitement, unexpected lust, passion and so on into the process. He ponders this for a few days and hatches a plan.

“Well,” he says to the doctor, “I did everything you suggested. The boss let me leave work an hour early. I sped home leaving rubber all over the road. I skidded all the way up the driveway (after I’d cleaned up the mail box). I slammed the door, charged into the house and found Sheila in the living room. I stripped her naked and we went to it, hammer and tongs, on the coffee table!”

“And did you enjoy it!?” asked the doctor enthusiastically.

“Well,” says the guy slowly and thoughtfully, “No, but the Bible group thought it was pretty neat!”

Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other?

A: I can’t find my way through all this shit.

– Watching a nature show where animals fornicate, he keeps winking and doing the eyebrow thing.

– When you ask him what kind of car he likes to drive, he solemnly replies, “The skin bus to tuna town,” and then laughs until he cries.

– You note that integrity is so important in a man, he notes that what he looks for in a “chick ” is “you know.”

– He whispers, “You’re beautiful,” to your thighs, then glances up at your face and says, “Oh you, too.”

– When you comment on the rarity of men these days who seek mature relationships, he giggles quite a bit.

– In conversation with others, he refers to you as his “quality tail.”

– Washing dishes after you’ve cooked him dinner for the first time, you reach behind you to take the paper towels off the paper-towel rod and then realize that you don’t own a paper-towel rod.

– When you’re insulted by his “motel” suggestion at the end of your first date, he looks impressed and says, “Hotel?”

– When you proudly recount your glorious high school valedictory speech to him, he praises “your multi-talented mouth.”

– When you tell him what you do for a living, he stares at your breasts and loudly asks, “What do they do?”

Q: What is green and eats nuts?
A: Herpes!

Q: How does Herpes leave the hospital?
A: On crotches.

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