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Q: What’s the best way to make yourself last with your girlfriend?

A: Let everyone go first!

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so. One day they came up with an idea–each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank.

They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank. The husband looked at their savings and said: “Isn’t it strange. Each time we had sex, I put $20.00 into the piggy. But I see tons of $50.00 bills and a few $100.00 bills.”

The wife replied, “Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?”

Q: Did you hear about Ellen Degeneres’ death?
A: She drowned in Rikki Lake!

An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach.

A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak.
“Oh, thank you!” said the elephant.
“My, pleasure ma’am.” said the sparrow.
“Listen, Mr. Sparrow, if there’s anything I can ever do for you, don’t hesitate to ask.”

The sparrow said, “Well, all my life I wondered how it would feel to fuck an elephant.”
“Be my guest!”, said the elephant.

So the sparrow flew behind the elephant and started fucking. In the trees above, a monkey in the tree saw this and became very excited. He started to masturbate, shaking a coconut loose and it fell from the tree, hitting the elephant on the head.
“OUCH!”, said the elephant.

Then sparrow looked over from behind and said, “Am I hurting you, dear?”

A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch.

“Hi, there, I’m Jerry,” he said, as he went into one of his well rehearsed routines, “and I help produce a T.V. quiz show. Is there any question I can answer for you?”

“As a matter of fact there is,” she said as she glanced down once more toward his embellished jeans. “Do you have change for a dollar?”



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