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Q: What do you call a gay bar with no place to sit?
A: A fruit stand!

A very good-looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat up every single woman who walks into the bar, without any luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man, walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women in the place.

Disheartened by all this, the good-looking man asks the bartender, “Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women. What’s his secret? He’s as ugly as sin and I’m everything a girl could want, but I haven’t been able to connect all night. What’s going on?”

“Well,” said the bartender, “I don’t know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows.”

Emily, I don’t know what to do,” Gloria said to her friend at work. “That good-looking Alan in accounting asked me out for Saturday night. Should I go?”

“Oh, my gosh,” her friend exclaimed. “He’ll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he’ll rip off your dress and you’ll have fantastic sex!”

“What should I do?”

“Wear an old dress.”

Q: How do you break a blonde’s nose?
A: Place a dildo under a glass table!

Q: What’s the new and politically correct name for Lesbian?
A: Vagitarian.

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