Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100253 jokes and pictures!


BERLIN, Germany – In the northwest town of Luedenhausen, a family pet managed to endanger its family and save their lives all in one night.

A black and white cat named Mimi was playing in the family kitchen when it accidentally switched on an electric oven, igniting a stack of papers.

Fortunately, the clever feline was able to awaken the family by meowing loudly and pushing heavy objects on the floor.

A police spokesman quoted, “Mimi saved the family. There would have been a major fire had she not raised the alarm.”

Had it never been for Mimi… nothing would have happened.

A man goes up to a stock broker says, “I want to open a so-and-so trading account!”

Blanching, the lady replies, “Excuse me, sir, what did you just say?”

“Listen you, dag-nab it, I said I want to open a trading account this instant!”

“Pardon me, sir, but we do not stand for that sort of talk in this institution!”

The stock broker leaves her desk and goes to her boss and tells him about her predicament. They both come back to her desk where the boss asks the man, “Is there a problem, sir?”

“I don’t have a dang problem,” the man says, “I just inherited 100 million and I want to open a so-and-so trading account with this blankety-blank brokerage!”

“I get the picture sir,” the boss says, “and this wench of a broker is causing you a problem?”

Sunday, November 29, 1992

The Los Angeles Department of Water and Power (DWP) was ordered to pay $333,000 in penalties to Inyo County because DWP’s property tax payment arrived late — after having been sent back for $3.40 in additional postage.

Admitting his 0-4 record is not impressive “on paper,” trainers announced that Lucky, a German shepherd guide dog for the blind in Wuppertal, Germany, is available for his fifth owner.

Lucky led his first owner in front of a bus, killing him. Then he led the second off the end of a pier, drowning him.

He nudged his third owner off a railway platform in front of an express train, killing him. And he walked his fourth owner into heavy traffic, abandoning him to be hit and killed.

The new owner won’t be told of Lucky’s record because, the trainers say, the dog might sense nervousness “and do something silly.”

One day, while traveling in our family car, I said, “Hey, there’s a Eucalyptus Tree,” to my younger siblings with me.

Then, my younger brother, who’d never heard of a Eucalyptus Tree, said, “I can’t lift that tree!”

[Note: Eucalyptus sounds like: "you can lift us"]



© 2015 ijokedb.com