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Eugene d’Albert (noted German composer) was married six times. At an evening reception which he attended with his fifth wife shortly after their wedding, he presented the lady to a friend who said politely, “Congratulations, Herr d’Albert; you have rarely introduced me to so charming a wife.”

In the weeks before Christmas the British ambassador in Canada received a phone call from the CBC (CBC Canadian Broadcasting Company, a Canadian TV station).
The CBC representative on the other end of the line thanked the ambassador for his prompt arrival at interviews etc, and for a generally good year. The ambassador returned the thanks. The CBC representative then asked the ambassador what he wanted for Christmas. Thinking that it might be inappropriate for him to accept a gift, the ambassador said that he didn’t think that it was a very good idea. However, The CBC representative insisted, and in the end the ambassador said that he wanted a small box of crystallized
fruits. The CBC rep seemed a little puzzled at this answer, but they ended the conversation and the ambassador thought nothing more of it. Later that month, on Boxing Day, the ambassador was sitting watching the news on TV with his family when he was treated to this item at the end: “Before Christmas, we asked three foreign ambassadors
what they wanted for Christmas. The French ambassador said that he wanted world peace and an end to suffering, the German ambassador said that he wanted a
cure for cancer, and the British ambassador said that he wanted a small box of crystallized fruits…”

Police in Yorkshire were busily watching for speeding cars with there mobile radar equipment when their equipment appeared to malfunction; it began to clock a speeder at 300 mph…All was revealed a few seconds later when a low flying Harrier jump jet screamed over head. The police registered a complaint regarding damaged radar equipment with the MOD (UK Ministry of Defense). The MOD replied that the damage could have been worse: the Harrier’s defense systems had latched onto the radar and had gone into an automatic pre-emptive strike mode before the pilot decided enemy anti-aircraft activity was unlikely along the motorways of northern England…

In Atlanta, U.S. District Judge Charles Moye overturned a death sentence for a murderer because the jury that convicted him 10 years ago had asked for a Bible during deliberations.

Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?
A: Look in the library – under Romantic Fiction.

Q: How can a guy cope during his wife’s menopause?
A: By staying busy. If you’re mechanically inclined, you can remodel the garage. When you are finished you will have a flat in which to live.

Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?
A: She should tell him she’s with child.

Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?
A: Don’t wear a brassiere. The additional hanging “weights” will take out the wrinkles.

Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?
A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.

Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?
A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.

Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?
A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon

Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?
A: On top of their heads.

Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?
A: ‘Gee, I have one of these.’

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