Joke's Database
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!

During the “rush hour” at Houston’s Hobby Airport, my flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. We were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find that a third gate had been designated for us. After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as we were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement, “We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., then you should ‘deplane’ at this time.” A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. “Sorry,” he said, “wrong plane.”

Well Sulio’s boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. “Tom Selleck! I bet you don’t know Tom Selleck!” Sulio says “Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were kids!” but Sulio’s boss says “No you weren’t!” then Sulio says “Yes we were!” so they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom Selleck’s house. Sulio knocks on the door and Tom Selleck answers and Sulio goes “Tom!!!” and Tom goes “Sulio!” and they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio’s boss can’t believe it. But then he thinks “Well that could happen, it’s just one person,” so he tells Sulio and Sulio says “OK, pick somebody else!”

This time Sulio’s boss has someone in mind! “The president, Bill Clinton! You don’t know Bill Clinton!” but Sulio says “Oh yes I do! Bill and I were on debate team together in college!” Sulio’s boss says “No you weren’t!” and Sulio says “Yes we were!” so they fly to Washington and they catch up with the President at a press conference. They work their way through the crowd until Sulio get’s close enough to catch Clinton’s eye and waves “Bill!” and the President waves “Sulio!” and after the press conference they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio’s boss is stunned – he can’t believe it. But then he thinks “Well that’s just two people in one country – that doesn’t mean he knows everyone in the whole world!” so he tells Sulio and Sulio says “OK, pick someone out of the world spectrum and I know them!”

And Sulio’s boss knows just who to pick so he says “The Pope! You do not know the Pope!” and Sulio says “The Pope! The Pope BAPTIZED me!” and Sulio’s boss says “No he didn’t!” and Sulio says “Yes he did!” so they fly to Rome where the Pope is giving Mass in front of hundreds of thousands of people. They work their way through the crowd – without much luck – so Sulio says “Boss, we’re never gonna get there together through all these people so I tell you what – I’ll work my way up there and when I do, I’ll give you a sign that shows you I know the Pope!” and he leaves. Well Sulio’s boss waits and waits and waits and just when he’s about to give up, he sees the Pope come out onto the balcony and right there beside him is Sulio!

Shortly afterwards, Sulio’s boss passes out. Sulio comes back and finds his boss passed out and he fans him and says “Boss! Boss! Wake up!” and when his boss comes to, he asks “Boss what happened?” Sulio’s boss looks at Sulio and says “OK, I can see Tom Selleck. I can see Bill Clinton…hell, I can even take the Pope! But when somebody standing next to me asks ‘Who’s that up there with Sulio?’ that’s a little more than I can take!

There was a Rabbi who was shipwrecked on an island. He knew that there was no way he could get off so he decided to make the best of it.

One day in his exploration of the island he came across an interesting tribe of people. They devised some kind of communication and he found out they called themselves Trids. He asked if he could join the tribe. The Trids said yes. So the Rabbi did everything that the Trids did.

One day about a month after the Rabbi joined the Trids, there was a loud trumpet sounding. The Trids all lined up and started walking up the hill. The Rabbi joined them thinking it was some religious ceremony. The Trids stopped on top of a cliff by the sea. They were in a straight line. The Rabbi followed. Then a giant came out of the woods and began to kick each Trid off the cliff. The giant passed the Rabbi and continued to kicked the Trids off the cliff. When the Giant was finished, the Rabbi went to the Giant and asked why he didn’t get kicked off. The Giant replied, “Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!”

Patterson, New Jersey:

When 60-year-old Al Asbaty returned to his car after shopping, he was startled to find that thousands of bees were building a hive inside his Oldsmobile.

Due to the sunny and warm weather, he had left the windows rolled down, allowing a queen bee to fly in, followed by about 20,000 of her most faithful servants.

Just as one of Asbaty’s relatives was about to spray the inside of the car with a can of insecticide, police bee expert Tom Fuscalo arrived and managed to coax the insects into an artificial hive.

Inverness, FL

A 71-yearl-old man fell off a dock and into the jaws of an alligator but said his knowledge of reptiles, gained from watching wildlife programs on television, helped him escape.

“I wasn’t a bit afraid. I knew what they usually do,” said George Blinn, who got away from the 7-foot gator by jabbing his thumb in its eye.

Blinn said he has long been a fan of such programs as Wild Kingdom and knew about alligators’ general behavior.

He got the chance to use that knowledge when he fell into the canal behind his house. Blinn said the alligator bit him on the left hand and then flopped him over in the water three times before Blinn escaped.

© 2015