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In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group fired, the animal escaped into a 3-foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels deck. Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire 5-gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to no avail. Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined man proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss the match. The subsequent
fireball propelled Mr. Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much higher rate of speed. He exited the angled pipe “like a Polaris missile leaves a submarine,” according to witness Joseph McFadden, 31. Mr. Michaels was launched directly over his own home, right over the heads of his astonished friends, onto his front lawn. In all, he traveled over 200 feet through the air. “There was a Doppler Effect to his scream as he flew over us,” McFadden reported, “Followed by a loud thud.” Amazingly, he suffered only
minor injuries. “It was actually pretty cool,” Michaels said, “Like when they shoot someone out of a cannon at the circus. I’d do it again if I was sure I wouldn’t get hurt.”

Fargo, North Dakota:

A candidate for sheriff has challenged his opponents to a shootout, calling it a test of a law officer’s ability to protect the public.

“Clearly, being the best shot doesn’t necessarily make you the best sheriff, but I think it proves a point,” Ken Schwab said Tuesday.

Schwab wants the four other candidates to meet him June 1 at a shooting range. Each will fire 24 rounds at targets to determine the best shot, Schwab said.

The challenge could be a problem for one candidate — a well-known local tax protester and convicted felon who’s not allowed to possess a firearm.

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES NAVY’S ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

There is a little boy at home and he hears his parents arguing in there room and from his dad he hears the words bitch and tits so the little boy asks the dad what they mean and so the dad lied to him and he said bitch means girl because your mom is a girl and tits mean coat because she forgot her coat when she left the house and then the little boy heres his mom say bastard and balls and he asks her what that means and she said bastard means boy because that what your dad is and balls means hat because he forgot it today when he went to work.

The next day its thanksgiving and the little boy is in the bathroom with his dad while his dad was shaving and his dad cuts himself with the blade and says shit and the little boy asks the dad what does shit mean and the dad tells him its another word for shaving so the little boy goes downstairs to find his mom in the kitchen stuffing the turkey and she drops it on the floor and says fck and the little kid asks her what fck means and she says its another word for stuffing.

So the little boy is watching tv and he hears the doorbell so he opens it up and it is his relatives coming to visit so the little boy says “hi you bastards and bitches you can hang your balls and tits in the closet. my dads upstairs shitting and my mom is in the kitchen fcking the turkey”.

A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on rides.

During one trip, the driver droped her at a mall before he gasing up. The cat remained in the car, laying down on the top of the limousine’s back seat.

The service station’s attendant often glanced at unusual passenger. Finally, he asked: “Sir, is that cat someone important?”



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