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Well, a couple months back there was this trial in the West Virginia courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep. Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised.
The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw. “Well, I was walkin’ along, and saw this sheep just’a eatin’ grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like.”
“And then what?” asked the prosecutor.
“Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close.”
“And what happened after that?”
“Well,” said the witness, “they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around… an’ licked him!”
Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, “You know… a good sheep’ll do that.”

Apple Corporation Sues Itself.

[AP] In a move that has industrial analysts scratching their heads, Apple Computers has filed suit against Apple Computers Corporation. The company claims that Apple has violated the Look and Feel of their own machines which has helped to make the company famous.

An Apple Spokesperson stated “This is no joke. If we don’t protect our copyrighted interface, everyone will use it and we could lose the exclusive right. So it is in our best interests to sue anyone who uses the Macintosh Look and Feel, including ourselves.” The spokesperson says Apple has retained the prestigious LA law firm of Kukla, Fran and Ollie to spearhead the lawsuit. Apple’s in house lawyers will defend.

Long time Apple observer Ernest Dinklefwat stated that this is a sure sign that Apple has too many lawyers and not enough engineers. “In the old days Apple depended on its talented engineers to keep ahead of the competition, but now they have lost the edge, as well as their grasp on reality.”

The industry will be sure to watch this case closely. If Apple wins the suit against itself, this could mean a massive recall of all Macintosh and Lisa computers which will need to be converted to avoid all graphics and desktop metaphors and instead provide a simple terminal-like interface. Such a move would cause a massive digression in the personal computer market. Users of computers would be forced to learn to read, which could cause dangerous literacy among college students and professionals.

Mum comes home with the new born baby from hospital. As she breast feeds the little baby, her 5 year old son Roger joins her and looks at the baby and than at her with big wide eyes.

Mum smiles at his curiosity. Hesitantly little Roger asks: “Does the baby always have to eat the whole lump?”

A few years ago, a city in the Netherlands had a refuse problem. A once-clean section of town had become an eyesore because people had stopped using the trashcans. There were cigarette butts, beer bottles, chocolate wrappers, newspapers, and other trash littering the streets. Obviously, the sanitation department was concerned, so they sought ways to clean up the city. One idea was to double the littering fine from 25 guilders to 50 guilders for each offense. They tried this, but it had little effect. Another approach was to increase the number of litter-agents who patrolled the area. This was more of the same, that is, another “punish the litterer” solution, and it, too, had little impact on the problem. Then somebody asked the following question: “What if our trash cans paid people money when they put their trash in? We could put an electronic sensing device on each can as well as a coin-return mechanism. Whenever a person put trash in the can, it would pay him 10 guilders.” The idea, to say the least, whacked everyone’s thinking. The problem had been changed from a “punish the litterer” one to one of “reward the law abider”. The idea had one glaring fault, however; if the city implemented the idea, it would go bankrupt. Half of Europe would come to use the trashcans!Fortunately, the people who were listening to this idea didn’t evaluate it based on its practical merits. Instead, they used it as a stepping-stone and asked themselves: “What other ways are there in which we can reward people for putting their refuse in the trash cans?” This question lead to the following solution. The sanitation department developed electronic trashcans that had a sensing unit on the top that would detect when a piece of refuse had been
deposited. This would activate a tape-recorder that would play a recording of a joke. In other words, joke-telling trash cans! Different trashcans told
different kinds of jokes (some told bad puns while others told shaggy dog stories and still others told snappy one-liners) and soon developed reputations. The
jokes were changed every two weeks. As a result, people went out of their way to put their trash in the trashcans, and the town became clean once again.

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.

For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.

Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.

Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.

Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.

Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

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