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FrameMaker and Interleaf are competing documentation products. When the spelling checker of FrameMaker 2.1 encounters the word Interleaf in a document, it flags it as a misspelling. What does it offer as the correct spelling? “FrameMaker”!


People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies have been congregating along the tracks of the Burlington Northern railroad tracks, where a train carrying hundreds of tons of corn derailed some time ago. The corn has fermented, and the aroma is attracting the bears. “The bears are actually intoxicated up there,” said wildlife biologist Loren Hicks. And a grizzly with a hangover can be cross as a bear.

Four year old kid named Joe is in the surgery’s waiting room with his mom when he sees a pregnant lady sitting on a bench on the opposite wall. Having nothing better to do, Joe saunters over to her and with wide eyes full of curiosity and asks “Why is your stomach so big?”

The lady calmly replies with a smile, “Because I’m having a baby.” With eyes as large as saucers, Joe asks, “Is the baby in your tummy?”

“She sure is,” replies the lady charmed by the little kid’s innocent question.

“Is it a good baby,” asks Joe with a puzzled look on his face.

“Oh, yes. I’m sure it’s a really good baby,” says the lady with good humor thinking how incredibly cute the little kid is and looking forward to what he might say next…

At this point much to her surprise, with an even more surprised and shocked look than before, Joe asks, “Then why did you eat her?”

Laundromat: Automatic washing machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out

London department store: Bargain basement upstairs

In an office: To the person who took the stepladder yesterday, please bring it back or further steps will be taken

Outside a farm: Horse manure per pre-packed bag Do-it-yourself

In an office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board

On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)

Outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything – Bicycles, washing machines, ect… Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Sign outside a new town hall, which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.

Outside a photographer’s studio: Out to lunch: If not back by five, out for dinner also

On the side of a road: Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for the next 100 yrs.

Outside a disco: SMARTS is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome

A Hazard sign: QUICKSAND. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the district council.

Notice sent to residents of a parish: Due to increasing problems with letter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order

Notice in a dry cleaner’s window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of

Sign on motorway garage: Do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but out petrol is

Notice in health food shop window: Closed due to illness

Spotted in a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car

Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the first floor

Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges

On a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons

On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door – The bell doesn’t work)

Sign at farm gate: Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: “Do not activate with wet hands.”

One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our boss thought that, since we work with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After we contacted a fast food chain’s web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screeen: “Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days.”

© 2015