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In 1976 a twenty-two-year-old Irishman, Bob Finnegan, was crossing the busy Falls Road in Belfast, when he was struck by a taxi and flung over its roof. The taxi drove away and, as Finnegan lay stunned in the road, another car ran into him, rolling him into the gutter. It too drove on. As a knot of gawkers gathered to examine the magnetic Irishman, a delivery van plowed through the crowd, leaving in its wake three injured bystanders and an even more battered Bob Finnegan. When a fourth vehicle came along, the crowd wisely scattered and only one person was hit – Bob Finnegan. In the space of two minutes Finnegan suffered a fractured skull, broken pelvis, broken leg, and other assorted injuries. Hospital officials said he would recover.

Real notices spotted around the world and written by…well, “people whose first language is not English”.

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

A sign in a Paris hotel: “Please leave your values at the front desk”

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: “If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it”

Instructions in a Belgrade elevator: “To more the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.”

A sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar”

A sign in a Bucharest hotel lobby: “The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.”

From an advertisement by a dentist in Hong Kong: “Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists”

How a sewage treatment plant was marked on a Tokyo map: “Dirty Water Punishment Place”

Sign in a Leipzig elevator: “Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up”

Sign in an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: “Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.”

Sign in a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: “Take one of our horse driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.”

From the instructions on a Japanese hotel air conditioner: “Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.”

Sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: “We take your bags and send them in all directions”

From the menu of a Swiss restaurant: “Our wines leave you nothing to hope for”

From a tourist brochure: “In the close village you can buy jolly memorials for when you pass away.”

Two signs in a Majorcan shops: “Here speeching American” and “English well talking.”

Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: “For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.”

From a story in an East African newspaper: “A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.”

Sign in a Vienna hotel: “In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

Detour sign in Japan: “Stop. Drive sideways.”

Sign at a Swiss inn: “Special Today – no ice cream”

Instructions on a Japanese medicine bottle: “Adults: 1 tablet 3 times a day until passing away”

In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.

Mercy Hospital in Chicago is run by a group of nuns who came from Australia. Through the years the years they have gone out of their way to maintain ties with their native land — putting up a large map of the country in the recpetion area, and serving Australian tea from tins decorated with koala bears.

One night a patient calls a nun into his room and tells her how much he likes the hospital and the care. But he has one small complaint: he found some leaves in his tea.

“Oh,” the nun says, “the koala tea of Mercy is not strained.”

A woman named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping.
When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but with her eyes open. The woman looked very strange, so Linda tapped on the window and said “Are you okay?” The woman answered, “I’ve been shot in the head, and I am holding my brains in.”
Linda didn’t know what to do; so she ran into the store where store officials called the paramedics. They had to break into the car because the door was locked. When they got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded, apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in the head. When she reached back to find what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She passed out from fright at first, then when she regained consciousness, attempted to hold her brains in!

FrameMaker and Interleaf are competing documentation products. When the spelling checker of FrameMaker 2.1 encounters the word Interleaf in a document, it flags it as a misspelling. What does it offer as the correct spelling? “FrameMaker”!



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