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An American walks into an Irish pub and says, “I’ll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness’s in 10 minutes.”
Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations.
One guy even leaves the bar.
A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, “Is that bet still on?”
“Sure.”
So the bartender lines 10 Guinness’s up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes.
As the American hands over the money he asks, “Where did you go when you just left?”
The Irishman answers, “I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it.”

• “Kbar Khali-Kili Haftir Lotfan.”
Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

• “Khrel, Jepaheh Maneh Va Jayeii Amrikahey”
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.

• “Tikeh Nuneh Ba Ob Khrelleh Bezorg Va Khube Boyast Ino Begeram”
The water soaked breadcrumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.

• “Ekr Gabul Cardan Davat Parh Gush Divar”
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head with my legs apart.

• “Maternier Ghermez Ahlieh Ghorban”
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.

• “Howmaeh Fekr Tamomeh Oeh Gorteh Bande”
I agree with everything you have ever said and thought in your whole life.

• “Balli, Balli, Balli”
Whatever you say.

• “Auto Arraregh Davateman Mano Sephaheh- Hasti”
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

• “Cashal-Eh Fashal-Eh Tupheman Na Degat Man Goftam Cheeshayeh Mohemarir Behmeshvarehma.”
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages, I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

• “Kbar Khali-Kili Haftir Lotfan.”
Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

• “Khrel, Jepaheh Maneh Va Jayeii Amrikahey”
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.

• “Tikeh Nuneh Ba Ob Khrelleh Bezorg Va Khube Boyast Ino Begeram”
The water soaked breadcrumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.

• “Ekr Gabul Cardan Davat Parh Gush Divar”
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head with my legs apart.

• “Maternier Ghermez Ahlieh Ghorban”
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.

• “Howmaeh Fekr Tamomeh Oeh Gorteh Bande”
I agree with everything you have ever said and thought in your whole life.

• “Balli, Balli, Balli”
Whatever you say.

• “Auto Arraregh Davateman Mano Sephaheh- Hasti”
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

• “Cashal-Eh Fashal-Eh Tupheman Na Degat Man Goftam Cheeshayeh Mohemarir Behmeshvarehma.”
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages, I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

* The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.

* You were born somewhere else.

* You know how to eat an artichoke.

* The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.

* Your car has bullet-proof windows.

* Left is right and right is wrong.

* Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

* Your mouse has only one ball.

* You need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up.

* You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.

* You can’t find your other earring because your son is wearing it.

* You drive to your neighborhood block party.

* Your family tree contains “significant others.”

* Your cat has its own psychiatrist.

* You don’t exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.

* You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.

* More than clothes come out of the closets.

* When “the Dead” are best live.

* You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.

* More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.

* Smoking in your office is not optional.

* You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

* When you can’t schedule a meeting because you must “do lunch.”

* Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.

* Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.

* You’ll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.

* You consult your horoscope before planning your day.

* A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.

* When all highways into the state say: “no fruits.”

* All highways out of the state say: “Go back.”

- The wind is faster than your truck.

- Every other vehicle is a 4×4.

- When the sun goes down you start looking for your coat.

- In March, your vehicle is 43% mud.

- You leave your keys in the car and the next morning it’s still there.

- You installed your new computer using a Leatherman tool.

- You hear the words “stream” or “brook” pronounced “crick.”

- The elevation exceeds the population.

- You’ve broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you.

- You can see the stars at night.

- People drive 200 miles to shop in a real mall.

- Your great grandmother is older than the courthouse.

- You got a set of snow tires for Valentines Day.

- The bumper jack in your pickup will lift a house.

- Your back yard smells like sagebrush or various animals.

- A girls’ basketball game fills the gym.

- You slept through the night unawakened by a siren.

- A rodeo is more popular than a rock concert.

- You can fish, golf, and go skiing all in the same day if you try hard enough.

- Yellow light means “follow the car in front of you no matter what.”

- Democrats are like salmon, they are on the endangered species list.

- You wave to someone on the freeway because you recognize the truck.

- You talk about a combine and people don’t wonder what you are putting together.

- In the spring, every tenth car you pass is a tractor.

- When the car in front of you is weaving you suspect a farmer instead of a drunk.

- Maps and gloves are kept in your vehicle’s “jocky box.”

- You can choose plastic bags or paper sacks for your groceries.

- You have to wait for a flock of sheep to pass you on the road.

- You know why people pay money to watch “pig wrestling.”



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