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The answer to the eternal question “Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?”

Michael Jordan makes over $300,000 a game. That’s $10,000 a minute, at an average 30 minutes per game. With $40 million in endorsements, he makes $178,100 a day, working or not.

* If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
* If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.
* If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
* He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
* He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
* If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
* If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
* He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
* Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), he will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
* If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you’d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
* He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics.
* He’ll make about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
* While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.
* This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.

Amazing isn’t it?

However, if Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 250 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

Game over. Nerd wins.

An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says:
“And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?” And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS)”.
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.
They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short. And lo the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would only work if you bought Brother Gates’ drumsticks.
And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others”. And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, “eBay,” he said, “we need a name of a service that reflects what we are,” and Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.” “Whoopee!”, said Abraham. “No, YAHOO!”, said Dot Com.
and that is how it all began…..

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,331:

* 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
* 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
* 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
* 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
* 53 to flame the spell checkers
* 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its appropriateness to this mail list.
* 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
* 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
* 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
* 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts**are** relevant to this mail list.
* 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
* 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
* 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
* 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
* 33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add “Me Too.”
* 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey.
* 19 to quote the “Me Too’s” to say, “Me Three.”
* 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
* 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
* 47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
* 143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

Thine eyes shine like CDs in the morning sun,
I long to have thy software in my hands.
And when you send a GIF for me to run,
I feel a sudden twitch within my glands.

How sweet our cybersex in private rooms,
You type of lust and send it over the Net.
How sad it seems when my love’s signoff looms,
I leave my mousepad miserable and wet.

And yet I wonder on my lover’s face
I only know thee through thine online chat,
And although I do not care about thy race,
Perhaps thou has the features of a rat.

But in the end your beauty matters not,
for it’s your email that gets me so hot.

The day Microsoft will make something that doesn’t suck is probably the day they’ll start making vacuum cleaners.



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