Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


My computer broke down.
It crashed and burned!
And for my AOL,
I really yearned!
I tried to stay busy…
And keep it off my mind.
So I went to Wal-Mart,
and got on their pc.
The cashier in electronics
was staring at me.
But I didn’t care.
I had to get on line!
Check my mail,
and see what buddies I can find.
I drew a crowd
as I began to cry.
I couldn’t find the password
no matter how hard I tried!
I need my AOL!!
I got to have my fix!!
Go to my favorite places,
check out some cool pics.
The cashier called Security!
I heard her whisper low,
“We have ourselves a Psycho here”
and she has got to go!”
Security rushed over.
Not long did he stall.
Obviously he has never suffered
from AOL withdrawal.
He slapped cuffs on my wrists
and threw me out the door!
Then he looked at me and said,
“Don’t come round here no more!”
I feel so embarrassed!!
I have sunk so low!
To be kicked out of Wal-Mart….
How low can I go?
So I’ll try really hard now
to rid myself of this affliction.
Get rid of these bad habits
and my AOL addiction!

“Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?”
“No…”
“Inheritance.”

Security experts and federal government authorities warn that offspring of the dangerous e-mail virus are now on the loose. As a public service, we present the following list of “I Love You” variations and how to recognize them:

- The “I Love You, But I’m Shy” virus never actually invades your computer but collects data about it worshipfully from afar.

- The “Unrequited Love” virus causes your computer to be so obsessed with a virus-a virus that it can never have-that it can no longer function.

- The “Love The One You’re With” virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade.

- The “Can’t We Just Be Friends” virus makes your computer think it’s interested in invading. Then, just when your computer is getting excited about the invasion, it breaks off the connection with your computer, dashing its hard drive against the rocks.

- The “One Night Stand” virus invades your computer, turns its hard drive upside down, then disappears after promising to come back sometime. But it leaves a twenty in your online bank account.

- The “Happily Married” virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life.

- The “Unhappily Married” virus spends a long time negotiating with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time.

- The “I Can’t Commit” virus hangs around a computer for a long time and frequently sends messages that it intends to invade, but is really just interested in playing with your computer’s data.

- The “It’s Just A Physical Thing” virus invades your computer on a regular basis, but no meaningful data is ever exchanged.

- The “I Want A Divorce” virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer is never turned on, then finally leaves. But it returns some time later and takes half of your computer’s best data in an ugly network session.

- The “Little Virus Of The Evening” virus will do anything to your computer–if you’re willing to pay the right price.

- The “Stalker” virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and trying to record its most intimate functions.

- The “Forever Single” virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers that are totally incompatible with it.

- The “Deadbeat Dad” virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows.

- The “Married Too Long” virus splits your PC into two partitions that never interface-one that does too much online shopping and one that never does anything except monitor espn.com.

What if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer? Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems.

If a packet hits a pocket
on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted
as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory
makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket
has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item
followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon
puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted
’cause the index doesn’t hash,
Then your situation’s hopeless,
and your system’s gonna crash!

If the above doesn’t help with your computer troubles, perhaps this will.

If the label on the cable
on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected
to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel
on another protocol,
That’s repeatedly rejected
by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted
by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window
are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot
and go out with a bang,
‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet,
the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s
getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions
cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory
and you’ll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer
and be sure to tell your mom!

Microsoft today announced that it will be changing its name to “Moft”
which will clear up space on users’ hard disks. It is estimated that a
typical Windows 95 installation contains about 2,842,597 iterations of
the word “Microsoft”, in copyright notices, end-user licence agreements,
‘About’ screens, as well as several multi-megabyte files containing
nothing else (the so-called ego.dll series), etc.

So, after the change, a user will have about 14 MBytes more disk space.
Stock prices of hard-disk manufacturers dipped slightly after the
announcement.

“Well, the programs will take up less space on the user’s disk,” said
Bill Gates, CEO of Moft. “But we have never cared about that. The change
will allow us to ship Windows 95 on 13 disks instead of 14, thus saving
about $50 million a year in media costs. We are also looking at
shortening the names of some of our software products; for instance
‘The Microsoft Exchange’ may be changed to ‘The Moft Pit’.

Gates denied that the move was because of problems with the alleged long
filename support in Win95 which still uses 8.3 filenames underneath.
He did admit, however, that “MICROSO~1″ did look a little ugly.

Gates added that the junior programmer who discovered the potential
savings has been rewarded with a free copy of ‘Moft Off for Moft Win 95′.



© 2015 ijokedb.com