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Why do Computer Science majors smell so bad.
So that blind students can hate them too.

* Drug Dealers: Refer to their clients as “users”.
Software Developers: Refer to their clients as “users”.
* Drug Dealers: “The first one’s free!”
Software Developers: “Download a free trial version…”
* Drug Dealers: Have important South-East Asian connections.
Software Developers: Have important South-East Asian connections.
* Drug Dealers: Strange jargon: “Stick,” “Rock,” “Dime bag”
Software Developers: Strange jargon: “SCSI,” “RTFM,” “Java”.
* Drug Dealers: Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Software Developers: Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
* Drug Dealers: Job assisted by the production of newer, more potent mixes.
Software Developers: Job assisted by the production of newer, faster machines.
* Drug Dealers: Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.
Software Developers: Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists.
* Drug Dealers: Their product causes unhealthy addictions.
Software Developers: DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem. ‘Nuff said.
* Drug Dealers: Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you.
Software Developers: Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!

PCMCIA – People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN It Still Does Nothing

APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI System Can’t See It

DOS Defective Operating System

BASIC Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM I Blame Microsoft

DEC Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers

Q: What is an example of a never halting program?
A: Friedrichs and Magnus in front of an open elevator, each saying “you go first”.

1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3. I will get dressed before noon.

4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web – deprived.

6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7. I will read a book… if I still remember how.

8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime… and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

© 2015