Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


‘Twas the night before Y2K,
And all through the nation,
We’d soon see the bug that,
Caused such a sensation.

The chips were replaced,
In computers with care,
In hopes that ol’ Bugsy,
Wouldn’t stop there.

While some folks could think,
They were snug in their beds,
Others had visions,
Of dread in their heads.

And Ma with her PC,
And I with my Mac,
Had just logged on the Net,
And kicked back with a snack.

When over the server,
There arose such a clatter,
I called Mister Gates,
To see what was the matter.

But he was away,
So I flew like a flash,
Off to my bank,
To withdraw all my cash.

Then word of the shortage,
Caused such a demand,
That the money was gone,
And the streets were all jammed.

When what with my wandering eyes,
Should I see on my screen,
But Millennium Bugsy,
This must be a dream!

The Hack of all hackers,
Was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be,
The Y2K bug!

His image downloaded,
In no time at all,
He whistled and shouted,
“Let all systems fall!”

“Go Intel! Go Gateway!
Now HP! Big Blue!
Everything Compac,
And Pentium too!”

“All processors big,
All processors small,
Crash away! Crash away!
Crash away all!”

All the controls,
That make the planes fly,
And the microwaves for,
The signals they rely.

All through the system,
To me, and to you,
The predictions they made,
Would soon all come true.

And then came a twinkling,
As midnight drew near,
All over the globe,
In each hemisphere.

As I drew in my breath,
And was turning around,
Out through the modem,
He came with a bound.

He was covered with fur,
With six legs outspread,
Two beady eyes,
And a chip on his head.

With a sack full of virus,
Flung on his back,
He looked like a hacker,
Just waiting to hack.

His eyes – how they twinkled!
His dimples – how merry!
As midnight approached, though
Things soon became scary.

His droll little mouth was,
Drawn up in a sneer,
While he sat like a kid,
Waiting out the new year.

Two little antenna,
Stuck out of his head,
(Improved his reception,
from what I’ve heard said.)

He had a broad face,
and a round little belly,
But with six dirty socks,
His feet were quite smelly.

He was chubby and plump,
Perpetually grinning,
And I laughed when I saw him,
Though my hard drive stopped spinning.

A wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know,
A new feeling of dread.

He spoke not a word,
But went straight to his work,
He changed all the clocks,
Then turned with a jerk.

With a twitch of his nose,
And a quick little wink,
All things electronic,
Soon went on the blink.

He zoomed from my system,
To the next folks on line,
He caused such a disruption,
Could this be a sign?

Then I heard him exclaim,
With a loud, hearty glee,
“‘This has been fun,
I’ll see you next century!’”

1. I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits there from.
2. Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack.
3. Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don’t need that much space anyway.
4. Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it’s ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.
5. Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out.
6. Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed.
7. Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0.
8. Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe four years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof.
9. Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you’re at it, don’t try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either.
10. Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn’t occur in the first place.

* A particular year’s model would not be available for at least 2 years until after it was scheduled to go into production.

* Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

* Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you would have to restart it. For some bizarre reason, you accept this.

* You couldn’t have more than one person in the car unless you purchased a CarXP or Car NT, and then you would have to buy extra seats.

* Linux would build a car that ran on water, was twice as reliable, and 10 times as fast, but would only run on 5% of the roads.

* The oil, gas, alternator and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single “General Car Fault” light.

* People would be excited about the ‘new’ features in Microsoft cars, forgetting that these features had been available in other cars a decade ago.

* We’d all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.

* The US Government would GET subsidies from Auto Manufacturers instead of GIVING them.

* New seats would force everyone to get the same size butt!

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The man said, “Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double- clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,
then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
’cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.



© 2015 ijokedb.com