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A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises.

“I’m afraid not, sir,” the clerk told him, “but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes.”

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.

Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, “Manicures – 25 cents.” “Why not?” thought the salesman.

He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a huge sign that read, “This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives – cost 50 cents.” The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his “thing” into the opening with great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for two weeks.

When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his “thingy” which now had a button sewed on the tip!

10. “Safer than a Russian sub.”

9. “The perfect gift for your mother-in-law.”

8. “Because there’s a lot riding on your lawsuit.”

7. “Better than driving around on your axles, right?”

6. “Pop a set on your car today.”

5. “C’mon, did you really expect good tires on a new Ford?”

4. “Reinforcing the importance of the 25 mph speed limit.”

3. “Hey, it’s not like we crashed our blimp or something.”

2. “Best Blow Job In Town!”

1. “You can’t recall a better tire.”

A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. At the end of his first day on the job his boss fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”
“One,” said the young salesman.
“Only one,” blurted the boss, “Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?”
“100,000 dollars,” said the young man.
“How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.
“Well,” said the salesman “this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser.”

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?”

“No,” answered the salesman “He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, ‘Your weekend’s shot, you may as well go fishing.'”

A little old lady goes into a sex shop. She appears to have a case of Parkinson’s as she’s shaking from head to toe.

“Young Man?” she asks the clerk, “Do you sell vibrators?”

“Yes mam we do,” he replies.

“Big fluorescent orange ones?”

“Yes mam we do.”

“The type about 16 inches long?”

“Yes mam we do.”

“The type that takes 8 D Cell batteries?”

“Yes mam we do.”

“Well, how the hell do you turn it off?!”

Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Office Manager: That’s great, I’ll take two of them.



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