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10. “Safer than a Russian sub.”

9. “The perfect gift for your mother-in-law.”

8. “Because there’s a lot riding on your lawsuit.”

7. “Better than driving around on your axles, right?”

6. “Pop a set on your car today.”

5. “C’mon, did you really expect good tires on a new Ford?”

4. “Reinforcing the importance of the 25 mph speed limit.”

3. “Hey, it’s not like we crashed our blimp or something.”

2. “Best Blow Job In Town!”

1. “You can’t recall a better tire.”

A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. At the end of his first day on the job his boss fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”
“One,” said the young salesman.
“Only one,” blurted the boss, “Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?”
“100,000 dollars,” said the young man.
“How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.
“Well,” said the salesman “this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser.”

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?”

“No,” answered the salesman “He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, ‘Your weekend’s shot, you may as well go fishing.’”

A little old lady goes into a sex shop. She appears to have a case of Parkinson’s as she’s shaking from head to toe.

“Young Man?” she asks the clerk, “Do you sell vibrators?”

“Yes mam we do,” he replies.

“Big fluorescent orange ones?”

“Yes mam we do.”

“The type about 16 inches long?”

“Yes mam we do.”

“The type that takes 8 D Cell batteries?”

“Yes mam we do.”

“Well, how the hell do you turn it off?!”

Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Office Manager: That’s great, I’ll take two of them.

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: “We make the best violins in Italy.”
The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: “We make the best violins in the world.”
Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: “We make the best violins on the block.”



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