Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: “We make the best violins in Italy.”
The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: “We make the best violins in the world.”
Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: “We make the best violins on the block.”

A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. At the end of his first day on the job his boss fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”
“One,” said the young salesman.
“Only one,” blurted the boss, “Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?”
“100,000 dollars,” said the young man.
“How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.
“Well,” said the salesman “this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser.”

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?”

“No,” answered the salesman “He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, ‘Your weekend’s shot, you may as well go fishing.’”

10. “Safer than a Russian sub.”

9. “The perfect gift for your mother-in-law.”

8. “Because there’s a lot riding on your lawsuit.”

7. “Better than driving around on your axles, right?”

6. “Pop a set on your car today.”

5. “C’mon, did you really expect good tires on a new Ford?”

4. “Reinforcing the importance of the 25 mph speed limit.”

3. “Hey, it’s not like we crashed our blimp or something.”

2. “Best Blow Job In Town!”

1. “You can’t recall a better tire.”

- A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.

- Every time you’re passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to “end it all.”

- You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks.

- Numerous parental complaints about your “Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy” display.

- You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.

- Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they’re the new “Jerry Springer” edition.

- The “My Little Taxidermy Kit” (with starter squirrel) is not selling.

- Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.

- Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.

- Source of reefer smoke finally traced to “nostrils” of Geoffrey the Giraffe.

- Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jackknifed a Big Wheel.

- Caught hocking phlegm into tykes’ hands and telling them it was “homemade Gack.”

- Your sales display, “Barbie’s Struggle for Survival in Post-Nuclear Holocaust Malibu” was not exactly an overwhelming success.

- Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe in a leather bar.

- Regardless of the question, you answer, “Bite me, kid — I’m on break.”

A salesman who was out on his territory had a heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called the salesman’s company and related the tragedy to the sales manager.
The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and told the motel manager, “Return his samples by freight and search his pants for orders.”



© 2015 ijokedb.com