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Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day.
They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that
they were 4 for a dollar. The nuns said okay.
The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when
there were only three of them.
A nun answered back, “Well, we could alway eat one.”

A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near
the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD”
printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters
could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk.

The clerk replied that the letters stood for “What Would Jesus
Do”, and was meant to inspire people to not make rash
decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the
same situation.

The man thought a moment and then replied, “Well, I’m damn
sure Jesus wouldn’t pay $17.95 for one of these caps.”

4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV. The first one said she wanted to
watch the INDY 500. The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michels
on WWF. The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so she
can knit some mittens for the kitchen. The fourth nun said she wanted to
watch the discovery channel on how a baby is born. After some dicussion,
they all decided to flip channels every 2 seconds so they can watch the
same things.
This is what is sounded like:
And they’re off! They’re on top of each other! In…Out…In…Out…and
yes, the baby is born!

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.”

“Well, thank you,” the pastor replied, “But why?”

“Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had.”

A man finally goes with his wife to church. The man was so impressed
with the preacher’s sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand.

“Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a DAMNED fine sermon.” The preacher
says “Why thank you sir, but we don’t used profanity in the house of
the Lord”.

The man says, “But preacher, that was the best DAMNED sermon I ever
heard.” The preacher says again, “sir I must be blunt, DO NOT use
curse words in the Lords house again”.

The man says “Well I was so impressed with your sermon that I
placed $1000 dollars in the collection plate”.

The preacher says “NO SHIT”?



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