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There was a Pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers, a man who led with gentleness, faith and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world, Catholic or not.

As the Pope approached the gates of heaven, it was Saint Peter who greeted him in a firm embrace. “Welcome, your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great stature in heaven. You may pass through the gates without delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven. You are also granted an open door policy and may at your own discretion meet with any heavenly leader, including the Father without prior appointment. Is there anything which your holiness desires?”

“Well, yes,” the Pope replied. “I have often pondered some of the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the ages. Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the actual conversations between God and the prophets of old? I would love to see what was actually said, with-out the dimming of memories over time.”

Saint Peter immediately ushered the Pope to the heavenly library and explained how to retrieve the various documents. The Pope was thrilled and settled down to review the history of man’s relationship with God.

Two years later a scream of anguish pierced the stacks of the library.

Immediately several of the Saints and Angels came running. There they found the Pope pointing to a single word on a parchment, repeating over and over…

“There’s an ‘R’!!!, there IS an ‘R’!!! — the word is celibRate!”

Q: “What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?”
A: “Popeye beat the shit out of him!”

Q: What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A: A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off.

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves.
The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god kept.
The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle god kept.
The rabbi said, “I’ve got you both beat. I throw the money into the air and what god wants, god takes.”

Q: How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 101. One to change it and 100 to convince everyone else to change light bulbs too.

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