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Q: How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy?
A: Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!

God creates Adam, and soon Adam is complaining that he’s all alone in the Garden of Eden. So God says, “Okay, I’ll make you a companion, a beautiful creature who’ll cook and clean for you. It will be able to converse intelligently on any subject, and never ever complain or argue.”

Adam says, “That sounds great.”

God says, “The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg.”

Adam says, “That’s expensive!! What can I get for a rib?”

The Pope, having been invited to address the United Nations, arrives in New York and is wisked away in a private limo. Unfortunately, security delays have made the Pope late for his speech and he instructs his driver to make up the delay by driving as fast as he can. Even with the driver’s best efforts, the Pope knows they are still going to arrive late and insists that the driver make even better time. The driver fears for the Pope’s safety and hesitates to drive any faster. Now totally frustrated, the Pope tells the driver to get in the back and let him drive.
The Pontiff takes the limo beyond known limits, making incredible turns and wildly dodges in and out of traffic in an effort to reach the United Nations in time. Six blocks from their destination a New York police officer catches up with the limo and pulls them over. Upon approaching the driver’s side window and recognizing the Pope immediately, the police officer informs the Pope he was speeding and driving recklessly. The Pope explains “We are in a very big hurry to address an international audience on the most urgent of worldly matters”. The officer begs the Pope’s pardon and returns to his squad car to make a call to headquarters.
“Get me the chief right away!” the officer demands.
“This is the chief, what’s the problem?”
“Chief, this is Roberts. I’ve pulled over a big shot, and I’m not so sure what to do”
“Who is it, the Mayor?” asks the chief.
“Bigger than that” says the officer.
“Don’t tell me you pulled over the Governor!” asks the chief.
“Bigger than the Governor” says the officer.
“Bigger than the Governor! A Senator? A Congressman?”
“Bigger” say the officer.
“Who the hell did you pull over, the President of the United States?!” the chief asks, alarmed.
“Chief, I’m not sure who he is, but his driver is the Pope!”

God was talking to Adam and asked Adam which he wanted first, the good news or the bad news.
Adam chose the good news.
God told him he had made something for him: it would never wear out, it was warm and slick, it felt good, and would give a tremendous amount of pleasure in his lifetime.
Adam said that is great and asked what could possibly be the bad news.
God said that he put a woman in charge of it.

Q: What do you call a nun riding piggyback on the hunchback of Notre Dame?

A: Virgin on the ridiculous.



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