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Q: What is the difference between TV characters Dan and Roseanne Conner and the Clintons?

A: The Conners own their own home.

Acute – opposite of an ugly
Artery – the study of paintings
Bacteria – back door of a cafeteria
Barium – what doctors do to patients
Benign – what you are after you’re 8.
Bowel – letter like A,E,I,O, or U
Cat Scan – searching for a kitty
Cauterize – made eye contact with her
Cesarean Section – neighborhood in Rome
Colic – a sheep dog
Concussion – a prisoner’s sofa
Congenital – to be friendly
D & C – where the White House is
Dilate – to live too long
Enema – not a friend
Fester – quicker
Fibula – a small lie
Genital – not a Jew
GI series – a soldier ball game
Hangnail – a coat hook
Hospital – a prostitute ejecting saliva
Impotent – distinguished, well known
Jaundice – to include in a group
Kinesthetics – relationships among relatives
Labor Pain – getting hurt at work
Leper – a wild cat
Malaria – shopping place
Medical Staff – a doctor’s cane
Morbid – a higher bid
Nitrates – cheaper than day rates
Node – was aware of
Outpatient – a person who fainted
Pap Smear – a fatherhood test
Pelvis – a cousin of Elvis
Post-operative – a letter carrier
Prostate – flat on your back
Recovery Room – a place used for upholstery work.
Rectum – dang near killed ‘em
Rheumatic – amorous
Secretion – hiding something
Seizure – a Roman emperor
Serology – study of English Knighthood
Tablet – a small table
Terminal Illness………getting sick at the airport
Tumor – more than one
Urinate – two steps short of a perfect “10″.
Urine – opposite of you’re out
Varicose – nearby
Vein – conceited

*Accusations of crotch-sniffing at the White House no longer automatically implicate the President.

*New “doggy door” makes it that much easier to sneak out for a midnight run to McDonald’s.

*At long last, Bill won’t have to flinch *every* time he hears “Bad boy.”

*President no longer the only one accused of burying his bone in someone else’s yard.

*Even more silly photo opportunities for the President on the White House lawn.

*New, unwelcome presents under the Christmas tree.

*Obviously miffed Socks slips Kenneth Starr a note reading “Bil luvs Monika!”

*Shouts of “Come!” from Lincoln bedroom no longer make Hillary suspicious.

*Chelsea now has to share her room with more popular sibling when she comes home from school.

*Pipe and slipper retrieval removed from Al Gore’s daily to-do list.

*Roger Clinton no longer is the only one to piddle in the Rose Garden.

*Cries of “What a dog!” no longer make Janet Reno burst into tears at State dinners.

*To the embarrassment of the trainers, dog still unable to tell Al Gore from a tree.

*”Get that horny fur ball off my leg!” no longer refers exclusively to the President.

Greetings prospective White House interns! This year, our
program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America’s best and
brightest to the Nation’s Capitol to help the “Head Man” do his job.
We expect that 1998 will be the most exciting one yet! Why, you might
be asking yourself, do I want to be a part of this demanding, yet
rewarding program?
Check this out:
* Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political scene of
the hottest city in the world!
* Get up close and personal with some of America’s movers and shakers!
* See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won’t show you!
* Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities!
Sound like it’s for you? Just listen to this testimonial from a former
intern: “I couldn’t believe it! After only a few months on the job
answering phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing the
president. …Getting involved in executive branch affairs is just
fantastic.”- M. Lewinsky, Beverly Hills, Calif. As you can see, being
a White House intern is more than long hours, hot debates and touchy
national issues. Still interested? Fill out this information form and
send it to the White House at [3]president@whitehouse.gov
Name:
Hometown:
Sex: F__
Age:
Measurements: (required for medical purposes)
How many beers it takes to get you… …Giggly: …Drunk: …Hot:
…To lie to a federal prosecutor:…
You’ve always considered the White House: a) a monument to democracy
b) the place where great leaders meet c) vaguely erotic d) extremely
erotic
Hillary Clinton is a(n): a) model wife and mother b) icon of late 20th
century femininity c) an obstacle d) inappropriate companion for the
leader of the free world
You’ve always wanted to know more about the President’s: a) Israeli
policies b) childhood in Hope, Ark. c) romper room d) “monument to
democracy”
My social life as an intern would likely consist of: a) hitting
Georgetown bars with the other interns b) reading, study c) late
nights working at the White House d) late nights working the White
House
Score 1 point for each a, 2 for each b, 3 for each c, 4 for each d.
Scores of 16 can start tomorrow. Scores of 12 and above, please call
soon, Uncle Sam wants you.
*Please feel free to forward this form to anyone you know who might be
interested in this program. The White House is an equal opportunity
employer.

The White House announced today that from now on Bill Clinton would not be worrying about international affairs. Instead he would focus all his attention to what he is really good at : extra-marital affairs!



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