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Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him
that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in
heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him
a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.
Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who
says, “No hay problema, I’ll send a couple of little devils to get your
When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked –
St.Peter is having lunch – and they start debating what to do. Finally,
one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the
As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel
says to the other, “My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than
ten minutes and we’re already getting refugees!”

Q: How does Al Gore spell potato?

A: T-A-T-E-R.

Q: Why did Ted Kennedy spend four hours in the voting booth?

A: He thought he was in a confessional.

The president was awakened late one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.

“Mr. President,” said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, “There’s good news and bad news.”

“Oh no,” muttered the president. “Well, let me have the bad news first.”

“The bad news, sir, is that we’ve been invaded by creatures from another planet. ”

“Geez and the good news?”

“The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and piss oil.”

1040 Waffle Street

Little Rock, Arkansas 72208

Dear Friend;

We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising
of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame
in Washington, D.C.

This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was
not wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never
told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since
Bill Clinton could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest
democrat of all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know
where he was, and returned not knowing where he had been. And he did it
all on borrowed money.

Over 3,000 years ago Moses said to the children of Israel, “Pick up your
shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised
land.” Nearly 3,000 years later Roosevelt said, “Lay down your shovels,
sit on your asses and light up a camel – this is the promised land.”

Now, Bill Clinton is going to steal your shovels, kick your asses, raise
the price of camels and mortgage the promised land. If you are one of the
fortunate people who has anything left after paying taxes, we expect a
very generous contribution to the worthwhile project.


Bill Clinton Statue Committee

P.S. It is said that BIll Clinton is considering changing the Democratic
Party emblem from a donkey to a condom, because it stands for
inflation, halts productivity, covers up a bunch of pricks, and it
gives a false sense of security.

© 2015