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Q: If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
A: Dan Quayle. He’s the only one who knows that harass is one word.

Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None – the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.

President Clinton plans to reduce the budget deficit by an appeal to sacrifice. The problem, however, is that every time he gets near a virgin…

There were 5 presidents on the Titanic – Carter, Reagan, Bush, Nixon and Clinton. As the Titanic hit the iceberg…Bush exclaimed, “We hit an Iceberg” Reagan queried, “We hit what?” Carter declared, “Save the women and children!” Nixon said, “Screw the women!” Clinton asked, “Do we have time?”

The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced that they were going to start using Democrats instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the Democratic National Committee was outraged and filed suit, but NIH presented some compelling reasons for the switch:

1) NIH lab assistants become very attached to their rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a Democrat.
2) Democrats breed faster.
3) Democrats are much cheaper to care for and PETA won’t object regardless of the experiment.
4) There are some things even rats won’t do.

Drawbacks: It is difficult to extrapolate test results to human beings.



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