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There are a lot of folks who can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in the USA.

Well, there’s a very simple answer: Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn’t know that we were getting low.

The reason for this is purely geographical…. All the oil is in California, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, Alaska, etc

All the dipsticks are in Washington, DC.

FLYIN’ D.N.A.

I got all excited, made a giant mess,
It was my misfortune, it landed on her dress.
Man I thought I was careful, and pointed far away,
But she caught a dressful of Flyin’ D.N.A,

She was so damn playful, such a little tease,
I used to laugh at the rug burn, on her chubby knees.
She tried her best to escape it, but couldn’t get away,
I bit my lip and fired, Flyin’ D.N.A.,

I thought it was our secret, but she let it slip,
Monica went blabbin’, right to Linda Tripp.
She taped it on her recorder, and she just pressed play,
And the world got an earful, of Flyin’ D.N.A.,

When the dress gets tested, by the F.B.I.,
My only option is to just deny.
But before you impeach me, here’s what’s in store,
Your new El’ Presedente’, will be that putz Al Gore.

Arkan Sauce
Bill’s Spill
The Secretion Service
All the President’s Semen
Chelsea’s Little Sister
Presidential “Pardon”
Sperm Spangled Splatter
Willie’s Slick
In the Line of Fire
Buddy Did It!

Q: What costume did Bill Clinton wear to a Halloween party that scared everyone to death?

A: He came dressed as a two-term president.

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they
learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is
for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” she asks, “will God get mad at
me for giving someone a valentine?” Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then
says “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a
valentine to?”

“Osama Bin Laden,” she says. “Why Osama Bin Laden,” her father asks in
shock. “Well,” she says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think
that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d love
everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell
everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”
Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound
pride. “Melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.” “I
know,” Melissa says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines
could blow the crap out of him.”



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