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What do Jimmy Hoffa and Linda Tripp have in common?
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Average Iraqi: Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors

Average American: Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme park

Average Iraqi: Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation

Average American: Willing to participate in People’s Choice Awards

Average Iraqi: Lines up by the thousands to die for country

Average American: Will go to any extreme to avoid jury duty

Average Iraqi: Has endured many food shortages during wars with Iran and embargo by West

Average American: Shoves McDonalds cashier if their Happy Meal doesn’t include McCookies

Average Iraqi: Believes if he dies in battle, he will go straight to Paradise

Average American: Believes if, in a dream, you don’t wake up before hitting the ground, you die

Average Iraqi: Has friend or relative wounded in ruthless wars of conquest

Average American: Has beer guzzling uncle who shot self in foot on hunting trip

Average Iraqi: Thinks Saddam Hussein is a political genius

Average American: Thinks Saddam Hussein makes Dan Quayle seem like Einstein

The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992′s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, and throughout the entire time the formations were overflown by squadrons of the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic bombers.

Clinton, who had never been this close to war in his life, was suitably impressed. Then he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. “Who are they?” he asked.

“Ah,” said Yeltsin, “those are our economists!”

“But I thought this parade was military…” said Clinton, confused.

“Mr. Clinton,” said Gorbachev, “have you SEEN the damage those men can do?”

Q: What’s Clinton’s favorite baseball team?

A: The Dodgers.

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.

“Madam,” said the sales manager, “the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!”

She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, “Nelson.” The radio responded, “Ricky or Willie?” She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that’s what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying “On The Road Again” when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attention to the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.

“Idiot!” she yelled and, from the radio, “Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.”

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