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Q: Why does Chelsea look so stupid and ugly?

A: Heredity.

Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
To promote off-shore drilling.

Washington never told a lie. Kennedy never told the truth. And Clinton never new the difference.

Two neighbors got into an argument about presidential politics. The first guy asked, “Why are you such a dedicated Republican?”

The second guy replied, “My Father and Grandfather were Republicans before me and I am carrying on the family tradition.”

“That’s it?” said the first exasperated neighbor. “What if your Father and Grandfather had been horse thieves?”

“Well…” replied the second neighbor, “I suppose then I’d be a Democrat like you.”

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.”

Janet responded, “Just because I am esthetically challenged (that’s “politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.”

Hillary asks, “Well how do you deal with the problem?”

Replies Janet, “Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can.”

Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolls over and says, “Is that you Janet?”

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