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George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died.

Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum,
all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously,
even though their deaths have taken place decades apart.

The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint
Peter questions him. “You look like Einstein, but you have NO
idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven
under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?”

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a
blackboard and some chalk?” Saint Peter complies with a snap of
his fingers.

The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to
describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory
of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really *are* Einstein!
Welcome to heaven!”

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for
his credentials. Picasso doesn’t hesitate. “Mind if I use that
blackboard and chalk?” Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.”

Picasso erases Einstein’s scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a
truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures
their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk.

Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to
be! Come on in!”

The last to arrive is George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his
head. “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity.
How can you prove yours?”

George W. looks bewildered, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”

Saint Peter sighs, “Come on in, George.”

Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?

A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.

Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

…Veni, Vedi, Clinti–I came, I saw, I lied.

Bill Clinton’s MY WAY
(To the tune of My Way)

And now, my end is near;
I’ll try to hide my raging fury.
I thought I made things clear;
I testified to Starr’s Grand Jury.

I answered every charge,
In my deny, deny, deny-way.
And yes, as for that dress,
I stained it my way!

Yet, there were times, I’m sure you knew,
When Monica bit off more than she could chew.
But now you know, there is no doubt;
She ate it good — then spit it out.
It hit her dress. It made a mess.
I stained it my way!

I’ve had my share of chicks,
Like Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers.
And then there’s Monica,
Who did the deed — for hours and hours…

We did it in my car,
While driving every D.C. highway.
And yes, about that dress,
I stained it my way!

Regrets, I’ve got a few;
But then again, just ’cause they caught me.
I did who I wanted to do,
But that Ken Starr — he always fought me.

I’ve had all of those babes;
And may I say – not in a shy way.
And yes, about that dress,
I stained it my way!

For what is Bill Clinton — what has he got?
If not some chick, then he has naught.
He does the things he truly feels;
And not the acts of ONE WHO KNEELS.
The record shows I TOOK THE BLOWS —

© 2015