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A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.”

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the community.”

The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the country.”

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators waiting at the door.

Ever want to call someone stupid, but want to do it in a way that is politically correct? Here are some great suggestions sent in by various people:

* A few cards short of a full deck
* A few clowns short of a circus
* A few fries short of a Happy Meal
* An experiment in artificial stupidity
* A few beers short of a six pack
* Dumber than a box of hair
* A few peas short of a casserole
* Doesn’t have all his Cornflakes in one box
* The wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead
* One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
* One taco short of a combination plate
* A few feathers short of a whole duck
* All foam, no beer
* The cheese slid off his cracker
* Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel
* Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
* Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
* Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
* He fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down
* An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
* As smart as bait
* Chimney’s clogged
* Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash
* Doesn’t know much, but leads the league in nostril hair
* Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor
* Forgot to pay his brain bill
* Her sewing machine’s out of thread
* His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels
* His belt doesn’t go through all the loops
* If he had another brain, it would be lonely
* Missing a few buttons on his remote control
* No grain in the silo
* Proof that evolution can go in reverse
* Receiver is off the hook
* Several nuts short of a full pouch
* Sky light leaks a little
* Slinky’s kinked
* Surfing in Nebraska
* Too much yardage between the goal posts

Bill goes down to visit Chelsea at Stanford and to meet her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend goes up to Bill and says, “Mr. President it’s so great to meet you. You know… you’re my idol, my role model.”

Bill replies, “Hey man, that’s it! I don’t want you seeing my daughter anymore!”

NY Democrats are handing out bumper stickers saying “Run, Hillary, Run!” NY Republicans are putting them on their FRONT bumpers.

Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?

A: If they sent her to a public school, the secret service would be out-gunned!



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