Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100181 jokes and pictures!


A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.
But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.”

GOODBYE BUBBA’S JEANS
A tribute to Bill Clinton to the tune of “Candle in the Wind”

Goodbye Bubba’s Jeans
Though you always grew in your pants
You had the grace to hold yourself,
Till a woman graced the room.
You called out through the country,
While you whispered to those babes in pain,
You can take me to heaven
And then deny it all the same!

And it seems to me you spent your terms
Keeping Bimbos on the run:
Always knowing where to turn to
When you wanted some.
And your footsteps will always fall where,
Women like guys named Bill
Your legacy will never last
But your libido always will.

Goodbye Bubba’s jeans
The nation will miss your style
We’ll miss that pouting lip
That trembled when you felt our pain.
And even though we’ll try
The truth that you are really gone
Will bring us all to tears;
When your wife is no longer running things.

And it seems to me you spent your terms
Keeping Bimbos on the run:
Always knowing where to turn to
When you wanted some.
And your footsteps will always fall where,
Women like guys named Bill
Your legacy will never last
But your libido always will.

Goodbye Bubba’s jeans,
You wanted to be just like JFK
And now you’ve done it,
Making Monica your Marilyn Monroe.
We hope that it was worth it,
Dragging the country through the mud,
So you could satisfy that urge,
The one that’s run you out of town.

And it seems to me you spent your terms
Keeping Bimbos on the run:
Always knowing where to turn to
When you wanted some.
And your footsteps will always fall where,
Women like guys named Bill
Your legacy will never last
But your libido always will.

Bill & Hillary had Al & Tipper Gore over for dinner at the White House.

In the middle of dinner, Al excused himself to use the bathroom. After a couple of minutes, he came back. They finished dinner and left.

On the way home, Al turned to Tipper and said, “Did you know Bill has a solid-gold urinal in his bathroom?” He continues, “How can we tell the American people, we are serious about cutting the budget when the President has a solid-gold urinal?”

Tipper said, “There must be some mistake. I’ll call Hillary when we get home and find out.”

When they get home, Tipper calls Hillary and says, “Is it true that Bill has a solid-gold urinal in his bathroom?”

Hillary put her hand over the receiver and says, “Bill!!! I found out who peed in your saxophone!”

DAD – Son, come in here, we need to talk.

SON – What’s up, Dad?

DAD – There’s a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?

SON – I don’t believe; if I understand the definition of “scratch the car”; that I can say, truthfully,that I scratched the car.

DAD – Well, it wasn’t there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?

SON – Well, as I’ve said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.

DAD – But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I’ll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?

SON – Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did “I” scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.

DAD – Are you trying to tell me you didn’t drive the car into the mailbox?

SON – Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.

DAD – So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?

SON – No sir, that’s not my statement. I’ll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.

DAD – But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?

SON – Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.

DAD – So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?

SON – No. No, that’s not correct. Your question was “Did I scratch the car?” From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car… the mailbox did… I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of “No” when you asked “Did I scratch the car” was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.

DAD – Where in the heck did you learn to be such a liar?

SON – From The President of the United States.

One day there were these three boys walking down
the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: ‘HELP! HELP!’
When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill
Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved
him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first
boy how he could ever repay him. The boy said,
‘I want a boat.’
The second boy said ‘I want a truck.’
And the third boy said, ‘I want three tombstones with are
names all on them.’ Bill Clinton said, ‘why is that son?’
The little boy said, ‘because when my Dad finds out that we
saved you, he is going to kill us all!’



© 2015 ijokedb.com