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THE MONICA SONG
(To the tune of Adam Sandler’s “The Hanukah Song)
Written and submitted by Greg

Get ready for funica,
Here comes Monica
She’s so easyica
Her name is Monica.

Monica is the slut of all sluts,
If you give her a quarter you can grab her butt.

So when you feel like the only one in town,
With a lot of time to burn
Here’s a song to recognize,
All you White House Interns!

Come into the office,
This job is a borea
Let me unzip my fly
Then you can suck me till I’m sorea.

Don’t worry Miss Monica, no one will know.
‘Cause Hillary and Chelsea are in the Poconos.

Bill and Paula Jones and Miss Lewinsky,
Put them together what a fine little orgy!

You don’t need Linda Tripp or Kenneth Starr,
‘Cause we can have sex with one of my cigars!
It’s a Cuban!

Get ready for funica,
Here comes Monica,
I need a blowjobica,
So get to it Monica!

Miss Lewinsky, what a slut.
But man oh man, what a butt!
It’s a beauty!

I don’t care if you’re a little chubby,
Compared to Hillary,
Not to shabby!

Some people think that I’m an old geezer.
Well, I am
but look at how I please her.

So many women are in my life,
About a hundred or so none are my wife!

Tell your friend Veronica,
It’s time for Monica,
I hope I don’t cumica,
On your big blue dressica!
So drink your gin and tonica,
And smoke your marijuanica,(but don’t inhale)
If you really really wannica
Keep on sucking, sucking, sucking, sucking Monica!
Suck it Monica!

A question for Bill Clinton:
“What was Miss Lewinsky’s most memorable feature?”
“She has the whitest teeth I’ve ever come across”

Al Gore went down to Florida
He was lookin’ for an election to steal.
He was in a bind, cause he was way behind,
And he was willin’ to cut a deal.

When he came across a Gov’ner
Knawin’ on a victory and chewin’ hard
Veep Gore jumped up on a hickory stump and said,
“Gov, let me tell you what…”

“I bet you didn’t know it but I’m a contender in
Florida too, and if you care to take a dare, I’ll make
a bet with you. Now you ran a good campaign down here,
but give Al Gore his due. I’ll bet a nation of gold
and the white house it holds, that I got more votes than you!”

The gov’ner said, “My names Dubya and it might be a sin….
But I’ll take that bet, your gonna regret, cause this
Texan always wins.”

(Chorus)

Dubya rally up your troops and fight for that vote hard.
Cause Al Gores loose in Florida and Bill Daley holds the cards.
If you win you get that shiny nation, made of gold,
but if you lose, then Al Gore gets con-trol.

Al Gore opened up his mouth and said, “I’ll start this show”
And fire burned in the eyes of lawyers, who knew they’d make some
dough. And he pulled his hand across his lips, and he made an evil grin.
Then in walked all the Palm Beach voters, Dubya’s chances were lookin’ thin.

(Guitar/bass solo)

When Al Gore finished, Dubya said… “Well, your
pretty good ol’ son Now plant your but in that chair
right there and let me show you how it’s done!”

(Chorus II)

Dems in the orange groves, Run George, Run.
You can’t lose now in the land of the sun.
Your dads on your side and your brothers’ in tow,

Gore in the White House, God, Please NO!

(Fast Fiddle/Guitar solo)

Al Gore bowed his head because he knew that he’d been beat.
He conceded that golden nation on the Ground at Dubya’s feet.
Dubya said, “Gore, just come on back if ya ever wanna
try again, cause I told you once you tree huggin’ dunce, this Texan always wins!”

Al Gore went down to Florida
He was lookin’ for an election to steal.
He was in a bind, cause he was way behind,
And he was willin’ to cut a deal.

When he came across a Gov’ner
Knawin’ on a victory and chewin’ hard
Veep Gore jumped up on a hickory stump and said,
“Gov, let me tell you what…”

“I bet you didn’t know it but I’m a contender in
Florida too, and if you care to take a dare, I’ll make
a bet with you. Now you ran a good campaign down here,
but give Al Gore his due. I’ll bet a nation of gold
and the white house it holds, that I got more votes than you!”

The gov’ner said, “My names Dubya and it might be a sin….
But I’ll take that bet, your gonna regret, cause this Texan always wins”

(Chorus)

Dubya rally up your troops and fight for that vote hard.
Cause Al Gores loose in Florida and Bill Daley holds the cards.
If you win you get that shiny nation, made of gold,
but if you lose, then Al Gore gets con-trol.

Al Gore opened up his mouth and said, “I’ll start this show”
And fire burned in the eyes of lawyers, who knew they’d make some dough.
And he pulled his hand across his lips, and he made an evil grin.
Then in walked all the Palm Beach voters, Dubya’s chances were lookin’ thin.

(Guitar/bass solo)

When Al Gore finished, Dubya said… “Well, your
pretty good ol’ son Now plant your but in that chair
right there and let me show you how it’s done!”

(Chorus II)

Dems in the orange groves, Run George, Run.
You can’t lose now in the land of the sun.
Your dads on your side and your brothers’ in tow,
Gore in the White House, God, Please NO!

(Fast Fiddle/Guitar solo)

Al Gore bowed his head because he knew that he’d been beat.
He conceded that golden nation on the Ground at Dubya’s feet.
Dubya said, “Gore, just come on back if ya ever wanna
try again, cause I told you once you tree huggin’
dunce, this Texan always wins!”

REDMOND, Wash. – Oct. 23, 1997 – In direct response to accusations made by the Department of
Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government
of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum.

“It’s actually a logical extension of our planned growth”, said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates,
“It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone”.

Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White House with
U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be “minimal”.
The United States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public
offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
profitable by “Q4 1999 at latest”, according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.

In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had “willingly and enthusiastically”
accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United
States government, reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the
mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as “a relief”. He
went on to say that Gates has a “proven track record”, and that U.S. citizens should offer
Gates their “full support and confidence”. Clinton will reportedly be earning several times
the $200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.

Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as “silly”, though did
say that he would make executive decisions for the U.S. government from his existing office at
Microsoft headquarters. Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would “of course” be
abolished. “Microsoft isn’t a democracy”, he observed, “and look how well we’re doing”. In
addition, Gates said, all state and local branch governments will have to renew their licensing
agreements with the new Microsoft Federal Government in order to keep current liberty rights
intact. “It’s not anti-competitive, only acting as any capitalist soverign would toward lesser
competitors.”

When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding, Gates said, “We don’t
deny that discussions are taking place”.

Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United States citizens will be
able to expect lower taxes, increases in government services and discounts on all Microsoft
products.

About Microsoft:

Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ “MSFT”) is the worldwide leader in software for personal
computers, and democratic government. The company offers a wide range of products and services
for public, business and personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and
more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal computing and free
society every day.

About the United States:

Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful nation in the history of
the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered
in Washington, D.C., the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.

Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, “What about the powerful interest that controls you?”

And the other guy screamed back, “You leave my wife out of this!”



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