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Bill Clinton’s MY WAY
(To the tune of My Way)

And now, my end is near;
I’ll try to hide my raging fury.
I thought I made things clear;
I testified to Starr’s Grand Jury.

I answered every charge,
In my deny, deny, deny-way.
And yes, as for that dress,
I stained it my way!

Yet, there were times, I’m sure you knew,
When Monica bit off more than she could chew.
But now you know, there is no doubt;
She ate it good — then spit it out.
It hit her dress. It made a mess.
I stained it my way!

I’ve had my share of chicks,
Like Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers.
And then there’s Monica,
Who did the deed — for hours and hours…

We did it in my car,
While driving every D.C. highway.
And yes, about that dress,
I stained it my way!

Regrets, I’ve got a few;
But then again, just ’cause they caught me.
I did who I wanted to do,
But that Ken Starr — he always fought me.

I’ve had all of those babes;
And may I say – not in a shy way.
And yes, about that dress,
I stained it my way!

For what is Bill Clinton — what has he got?
If not some chick, then he has naught.
He does the things he truly feels;
And not the acts of ONE WHO KNEELS.
The record shows I TOOK THE BLOWS —

Photos showing Monica Lewinsky’s progress in her highly publicized diet deal with Jenny Craig shows that their newest spokeswoman is making headway in her battle to lose 100 lbs. In fact, she’s lost 30 lbs. already.

I can’t wait to hear her new commercial touting her success: “Hi, I’m Monica Lewinsky. Ever since I started on the Jenny Craig Diet, I think twice about everything I put in my mouth…”

Gore and Bush were in a restaurant ordering brunch. The waitress asks Gore what he would like to order. After looking at the menu, Al says, “I would like Eggs Benedict.”

Waitress sys, “Fine, and what will you have Governor Bush?”

Perusing the menu, George says, “Well, I think I’d like to have a quickie.”

Taken aback, the waitress responds, “Why Gov. Bush, that’s awful, and you’re not even President yet!”

Then Gore leans over and whispers into Bush’s ear, “George, that’s pronounced ‘quiche.’”

What do Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common?
They both have a slot that says “Insert Bill Here.”

Q: What’s the difference between a porcupine and Bill Clinton’s campaign limo?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

© 2015