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Q: What do call someone who sees the glass in front of him half full?

A: An optimist.

George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died.

Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum,
all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously,
even though their deaths have taken place decades apart.

The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint
Peter questions him. “You look like Einstein, but you have NO
idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven
under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?”

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a
blackboard and some chalk?” Saint Peter complies with a snap of
his fingers.

The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to
describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory
of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really *are* Einstein!
Welcome to heaven!”

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for
his credentials. Picasso doesn’t hesitate. “Mind if I use that
blackboard and chalk?” Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.”

Picasso erases Einstein’s scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a
truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures
their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk.

Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to
be! Come on in!”

The last to arrive is George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his
head. “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity.
How can you prove yours?”

George W. looks bewildered, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”

Saint Peter sighs, “Come on in, George.”

Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?

A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.

Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

…Veni, Vedi, Clinti–I came, I saw, I lied.

© 2015