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From the law offices of Johnnie Cochran, Esq, here are the top proposed closing arguments in the matter of United States Vs Bill Clinton:

* If the dress ain’t a mess, he won’t need to confess!

* The economy’s great, let the white boy skate!

* If the bitch didn’t spit, you must aquit!

* If she is not spread eagle, then it’s not illegal!

* Lewinsky’s a whore, and Bill’s better than Gore!

* So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses!

* He cheats on his wife, but it’s his personal life!

* Bill won’t tell the truth until he sees Ken Starr’s proof!

* Bill is not sleazy, Lewinsky’s just easy!

* If the sex is just oral, it’s not really immoral!

The Clinton’s were in a terrible plane crash and all three died.

When they got to heaven, they approached the Throne of God and God said to Chelsea, “Why should I let you into heaven?”

Chelsea answered, “I am the daughter of the President, a representative of all the children in America.”

God said, “Very well, you may sit on my right side.”

Then he said to Bill, “Why should I let you into heaven?”

Bill answered, “I am the President of the United States, a representative of all the people in America.” God said, “Very well, you may sit on my left side.”

Then he said to Hillary, “Why should I let you into heaven?”

Hillary answered, “I don’t know, but you’re in my seat!”

What is Clinton’s worst nightmare?
An intern with braces.

Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow?

A: By the wise look in the eyes.

Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy “Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan,” which means that even if she never gets reelected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies.

If Bill outlives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies.

If Hillary outlives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies.

Guess who pays for that? WE DO!

It’s common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense.

They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense.

Here is where it becomes interesting.

Their mortgage payments hover at around $10,000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents. The Clintons charge the Federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of that extra residence, which is just about equal to their mortgage payment.

This means that we, the taxpayers, are paying the Clinton’s salary, mortgage, transportation, safety and security, as well as the salaries for their 12-man staff… and this is all perfectly legal!

When she runs for President, will you vote for her?

© 2015