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Osama Cave Memo
Published: 1 week ago     submited by
Related: Politics (+3830)     
         

Hi guys.
We’ve all been putting in long hours, but we’ve really come
together as a group, and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting
up the poster that says “There is no I in team,” as well as the one that
says “Hang In There, Baby.” That cat is hilarious.
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can’t forget to take care of
the cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it’s good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you
don’t want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave
daily. I’ve posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.
Second, it’s not often I make a video address, but when I do, I’m trying
to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while
we’re taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background.
Just while we’re taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we’re not
supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene,
especially after mealtime. We’re all in this together.
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote “Osama”
on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.
Consideration. That’s all I’m saying.
Finally, we’ve heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
them.
First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.

Love you lots.
Osama

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