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Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a N.Y. country road one evening when an old pig loomed in front of the car.

The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t – the old pig was killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.

About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of expensive wine in one hand, an expensive Cuban cigar in the other and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

“What happened?” asked Hillary.

“Well,” the driver replied, “the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful twin daughters were so happy they kept kissing me!”

“My God, what did you tell them?” asked Hillary.

The driver replied: “I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the old pig.”

Bob Dole, Dan Quayle, and Bill Clinton all get sucked up by a tornado (or is that tornadoe – sorry for the Dan Quayle humor) and deposited safely in the Land of Oz.

Due to being disoriented, they look around and wander aimlessly for a few minutes before they figure out where they are (the yellow-brick road and all).

Bob Dole says, “Seeing as how we’re in Oz, I’m going to the Wizard and ask for a heart.”

Dan Quayle replies, ” I’ll go with you and I’ll ask the Wizard for a brain.”

Bill Clinton looks around a little more and says, “I wonder where Dorothy is?”

Bill Clinton is out jogging one morning and comes to the Washington Mounument. He says, “George, what should I do?” Several minutes later George says, “Junk the IRS and start over.”

Clinton jogs further and comes to the Jefferson Memorial. He stops and says, “Tom, what should I do?” Several minutes later, Tom says, “Scrap your welfare program and start over.”

Not long after that, Clinton has jogged over to the Lincoln Memorial. He says, “Abe, what should I do?” After a long pause, Abe says, “Why don’t you take the night off and go to the theater?”

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton & Ernesto Zedillo (Mexican President) are in France in a restaurant.

The waiter asks “le apperitif?”

All of them answer “oui!”

The waiter looks at Zedillo “Le tequila?”
Zedillo: “oui!”

The waiter looks at Yeltsin “Le vodka?”
Yeltsin: “oui!”

Finally, the waiter looks at Clinton ” Le whisky?”
Clinton: “DON’T MENTION THAT WITCH!!!”

Nominated for quote of the year is the statement made by retiring Texas Republican Member of The House of Representatives, Dick Armey, who was asked: “If you had been in President Clinton’s place, would you have resigned?”

He responded: “If I were in the President’s place, I would not have gotten a chance to resign. I would be laying in a pool of my own blood, hearing Mrs. Armey standing over me saying, ‘How do I reload this damn thing?'”



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