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The other day, Hillary Clinton asked Chelsea if she was having sex yet. Chelsea just smiled and said: “Not according to Dad.”

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car
together in the Midwest, when suddenly a tornado comes along and
whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away.
When they come down and pull themselves from the vehicle, they realize
they’re in the land of OZ. Naturally, they decide to go to see the
Wizard of OZ.
Says Quayle, “I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain.” Says Gingrich,
“I’m going to ask the Wizard for a heart.” Clinton says, “Where’s

A man dies, and he’s looking in the gates of hell.

There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, “Well, John has done some bad things in his life and that’s his punishment.”

The man looks around a little more and sees Bill Clinton with a beautiful model. The stunned guy asks “What’s Bill Clinton doing with that model?” The devil replied, “Well, that model did some pretty bad things in her life.”

According to a recent government publication …

A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.

A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.

A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.

A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: It’s irrelevant; they still don’t know they’re in the dark!

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