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A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball.”

He replied, “Highway patrolmen don’t have balls.”

There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver’s license, the driver argued, “Speeding? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car behind me.”

Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

A jury commissioner received a reply in response to a jury summons. It said: I would be most happy to serve, but first you will have to make arrangements for my release from jail.

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.

“You just won’t believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Oh yes dear, what happened ?”

“I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.”

“Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?”

“Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off.”

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.

After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn’t stop, he just slowed down a little.

The gentleman said ‘Stop or slow down, what’s the difference?’.

The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, ‘Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?’

- You spend a lot of your time trying to apprehend Big Macs.

- You have two holsters: One for your gun, one for Italian Sausage.

- The last time you saw your feet, “Kojak” was on in prime time.

- Instead of yelling “Freeze!” you yell “Fritos!”

- Even a patrol car’s big block engine can’t propel you more than 30 mph.

- You sometimes work undercover as a sofa.

- You take the phrase, “Take a bite out of crime” too literally.

- Several times a year, rescue workers have to use jaws of life to get you out of your squad car.

- Your ass is known as the fourth precinct.

- You’re frequently used as a roadblock.

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