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A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”

The woman answered, “Well, I have contacts.”

The policeman replied, “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”

Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation

9. Every Tuesday he insists it’s his turn to be the siren.

8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he’d look good in a collar.

7. He wants you to call him “Judge Dredd”, and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.

6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the “good cop”, and the other half is the “bad cop”.

5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.

4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.

3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.

2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.

1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?”

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?”

Harry gets stopped by a police car. When the police officer gets to his car, Harry says, “What’s the problem officer?”
Officer: You were going at least 65 in a 50mph zone.
Harry: No sir, I was going 50.
Wife: Oh Harry, You were going 70.
Harry gives his wife a dirty look.
Officer: I will also give you a ticket for your broken brake light.
Harry: Broken brake light? I didn’t know about a broken brake light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that brake light for months.
Harry gives his wife a really dirty look.
Officer: I am also going to book you for not wearing your seat belt.
Harry: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Harry turns to his wife and yells, ” Shut your damn mouth!”
Officer turns to the woman and says, “Madam, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”
Wife: “No, only when he’s drunk.”

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”



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