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On the night of graduation, a father approached his son and asked him, “Son, now that you finished high school, what are you going to do with your life?”

The son replied, “I think I am going to join the peace corps.”

“That’s wonderful, I was in the peace corps when I was your age. I found it rather fulfilling.”

A couple of years went by and the son came home from the peace corps. The father asked the son, “Now that you have helped out in the peace corps, what are you going to do?”

The son replied, “I am going to join the marines.” The father’s eyes lit up with amazement.

“I am so proud of you son. I went into the Marines, too. It taught me discipline, and most of all, respect for myself. Son, in all my years of being your father, you have never disappointed me yet.”

The son left for boot camp a couple of weeks later, where he was put through some of the most rigorous training of his life. One of the last phases of his training included jumping out of an airplane. This frightened him to no end.

He decided to give his father a call, telling him how scared he was, and his father told him not to worry, everyone would be scared.

A couple of weeks went by and the son came home from basic. The father noticed his son’s behavior had changed. He was sullen. “What’s wrong son? Tell me what’s on your mind. Nothing you can say will disappoint me. I am very proud of you.”

“You might want to sit down for this dad,” the son said. “The day we were up on the plane ready to jump I was the last one. I got up to the door and I couldn’t do it!” exclaimed the boy. “My drill sergeant looked at me and yelled, ‘Soldier, if you don’t jump out of this plane this damn instant, I am going to stick my big hairy pecker up your little ass!’”

The fathers eyes widened when he asked, “Well did you jump?”

The son replied, “Only at first.”

Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

FLORIDA – In a satirical protest against the political establishment, Percy the dog is running for congress in Florda against Secretary of State Katherine Harris.

Percy’s owner, Wayne Genthner, is acting as the dog’s campaign manager.

Percy, a border collie mix, will be a write-in candidate in the Republican primary, has his own website, and has even been out to meet voters.

Genthner acknowledges that no one actually expects the dog to be elected, “but plenty of people will be willing to vote for a dog to represent their discontent with the political system,” he said.

Percy’s website states, “Percy, District 13′s only black white candidate, fluent in Spanish, is a strong believer in cross culture, cross species interface, and has vowed, if elected, to support programs that foment these ideals.”

In addition, Percy promises to literally chase down any criminals he sees.

* All the in-flight meals are missing their dessert squares.

* In between “May I” and “have your attention” there’s a 45 minute pause.

* He’s constantly yelling, “Take that, Red Baron!”

* Shuttle from New York to Boston includes a stopover in Colombia.

* His co-pilot: Robert Downey Jr.

* For the last hour, he’s been riding the beverage cart like a rodeo cowboy.

* Keeps coming on the P.A. to point out clouds that look like his old high school teachers.

* His wings are pinned to his bare chest.

* When you fly over the international date line, he yells, “Dude! We’re, like, time traveling!”

* When he exhales, the oxygen masks drop.

Do they sell cigar condoms?



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