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Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and James Dean?

A: A man without a clue.

What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.

“You can take your choice, private – one month’s restriction or twenty day’s pay,” said the officer.

“All right, sir,” said the bright soldier, “I’ll take the money.”

A woman went to the doctor complaining of terribly bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questioned her, “There must be something you’re doing that you haven’t told me about. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?”

“Well,” the woman said a little sheepishly, “my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night.”

“That’s got to be it,” said the doctor. “There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know.”

“Not if you’re going to watch television, there ain’t!” she replied

At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells
the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems
and the resulting strategies.
One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question,
“Will we have to fight a World War Three?”
“Yes, comrades, looks like you will,” answers the general.
“And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?” another officer asks.
“The likelihood is that it will be China.”
The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, “But Comrade
General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion.
How can we possibly win?”
“Well,” replies the general, “Think about it. In modern war, it is
not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the
Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews
have been the winners every time.”
“But sir,” asks the panicky officer, “Do we have enough jews”?

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