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Q: How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?

A: His lips are moving

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. “That’s impossible,” said the tourist. “No one could throw a coin that far!” “You have to remember,” answered the guide. “A dollar went a lot farther in those days.”

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven, plus/minus ten.

I had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel, then I got out all the manuals and went through them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one.
So, I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her. Figuring she had been impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to be smart with everyone. She said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn’t help me and walked away……huh, must not have had any in stock.
In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model of my computer and asked it they had any sex drives in stock. He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive. I thought about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed. He started laughing at me – said something about me trying to kill him. You’re killing me! something like that, and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to keep in stock. I wasn’t trying to kill him. I wasn’t even hurting him.
The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I’d just fallen off the turnip truck. I assured him I’d never been on a turnip truck, but I’d fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it. She’s fallen off the wagon, that explains it…. like that and walked away laughing.
The guy in the fourth store said something like boob under his breath and walked away. Wonder why he only noticed one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores….maybe have to order from a catalog or something.
So that’s where I am now. If any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it, then all I’d have to do is figure out what to do with it.



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