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A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
“If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.”
“But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it.
“This is my position, and I will not compromise!”

ABC Stock reaches $155. $155 for a stock that should be valued at $100. Wow!!!!
That’s it I say to myself. It’s time I make that decision that all longs consider at one time or another. I am going to short my first stock. I am thinking to myself “This stock is overvalued. It can’t sustain these levels. This is money in the bank. Guaranteed baby!!”
I phone my broker.
“How can I help you Mr.Junkie.”
“I want to place a trade. I want to short 1000 share of ABC.” After a few seconds he says,
“I am sorry Mr.Junkie. I can’t process that for you. Your account is a cash account. You need a margin account to short a stock. I can send you the application or you could go to your nearest financial institution to fill out the forms.”
I head out the door the minute I get off the phone because time was a wasting and as they say time is money. I run into the financial institution fill out the form and have a taxi deliver it directly to my broker. Next morning I call the broker.
” Hello it’s Mr.Junkie did you get the application”
“Yes We did.”
“Great I would like to short ABC then.”
“One minute please. I am sorry Mr.Junkie but you now need a shorters account.”
“What! You mean the margin account isn’t enough?
“No you also need a shorters account. Nearest financial institution has the forms”
Off I go again. I complete the form and have it sent by courier to the broker.
Next day I call again.
“Hello Mr.Junkie”
“Please I want to short 1000 shares of abc”
“One moment please.” Voice returns within a few seconds. “Sorry Mr.Junkie you don’t have enough funds. To short a stock you need 150% the equity value of the stock you are shorting.”
“Transfer the funds from my bank account.” I demand.
“Will do Mr.Junkie but it will take 2 days for it to be in your account” he replies
two days later I call.
“It’s Mr.Junkie did you get the funds transfer.”
“Yes Mr.Junkie we did”
“Great I want to short 1000 shares of abc at $155″
Few moments later “Mr. Junkie I am sorry but I don’t think that is possible”
“Why not. Now what’s the problem?”
“We’ll the last trade went through at $101.”

Q: What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?

A: His face.

A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?

The conductor. Business before pleasure.

Recent confusion about the meaning of the abbreviation BTU has lead to the creation of set definitions that may be used when discussing its meaning.

1. Big Time Unemployment
2. Buy Thermal Underwear
3. Bill’s Tax Utopia
4. Being Totally Unfair

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