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David dies and goes to heaven. St Peter says ‘ how did things go for you back on earth?’ David says, ‘not too bad. I left a wife, 3 kids, a pretty good bank balance, no mortgage and my wife will get another 100,000 from the insurance.’ ‘Great’, says St Peter, ‘what was it you did while you were alive?’ ‘ Oh I was in Real estate.’ ‘Good oh, come on in’ says the St.

Bruce follows David up to the pearly gates and gets the same sort of welcome and questions. ‘yes well I left a wife and two kids, a little house in the suburbs, a few dollars in the bank, car’s paid for and they should be OK with things. Good oh , come on in.

Billy was next in line and gets the questions from the old guy. ‘yes well I left my 4th wife, most of my gears in the Cash Converters, cars rooted, never did quite make it to where I really thought I should have been.’ ‘Oh well’, says St P. ‘and which band was it that you played with?’

Q: How many central bank economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one – he holds the lightbulb and the whole earth revolves around him.

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!” (..turn from your sin…)

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,”Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.”

“Scripture?” replied the burglar, “She said she had an AX and two 38s!”

ARE YOU SINGING IN THE SHOWER?

Having lunch one day, a sex therapist said to her friend, “According to a survey we just completed, ninety percent of all people masturbate in the shower. Only ten percent of them sing.”

“Really?” asked the friend.

The therapist shook her head and proceeded to ask, “And do you know what song they sing?”

The friend nodded her head and replied, “No.”

The therapist replied, “I didn’t think so.”

One day a woman went for a walk in her neighborhood and came across a boy with some puppies. “Would you like a puppy? They aren’t ready for new homes quite yet, but they will be in a few weeks!”
“Oh, they’re adorable,” the lady said. “What kind of dogs are they?”
“These are economists.”
“OK. I’ll tell my husband.”
So she went home and told her husband. He was very interested to see the puppies. About a week later he came across the lad; the puppies were very active.
“Hey, Mister. Want a puppy?”
“I think my wife spoke with you last week. What kind of dogs are these?”
“Oh. These are decision analysts.”
“I thought you said last week that they were economists.”
“Yeah, but they’ve opened their eyes since then.”



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