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Q: How does the LAPD play poker?
A: Four clubs beat a king.

The president of a certain country went to the interior of that country where there was no electricity, poor roads, and no form of telecommunication, to give his campaign speech. The people spoke a different dialect to the native one.

“We, the ruling party,” said the president, “promise to provide electricity for the entire district.”

Upon hearing the president’s words, the people cheered, “Fombre!”

The president continued, “Not only will we provide electricity to the community, but we will also be installing telephones and telephone lines, and this will commence shortly.”

Again, shrieks of “Fombre” was heard, as the president anxiously awaited the resumption of his speech.

“We have given careful thought to the repair of the roadways so as to facilitate better means of transportation and have allotted sufficient finances for the successful execution of this venture.”

Shouts of “Fombre!” filled the air, as the president continued to lay it down with his words.

After the speech, the president, with a content grin on his face, walked through the grassy terrain with his bodyguards, his interpreter, and a few of the officials.

One of the officials, seeing a pile of horse’s dung in front of the president, cried out, “Mr. President, don’t step on that! That’s Fombre!”

The Navy and the Air Force decided to have a canoe race on the Potomac River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Navy won by a mile. Afterwards, the Air Force team became very discouraged and depressed. The officers of the Air Force team decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found.

A “Metrics Team,” made up of senior officers was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was that the Navy had 8 seamen rowing and 1 officer steering, while the Air Force had 1 airman rowing and 8 officers and NCOs steering.

So the senior officers of the Air Force team hired a consulting company and paid them incredible amounts of money. They advised that too many people were steering the boat and not enough people were rowing.

To prevent losing to the Navy again the next year, the Air Force Chief of Staff made historic and sweeping changes: the rowing team’s organizational structure was totally realigned to 4 steering officers, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering NCO.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 airman rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the “Air Force Rowing Team Quality Program”, with meetings, dinners, and a three-day pass for the rower. “We must give the rower empowerment and enrichment through this quality program.”

The next year the Navy won by 2 miles.

Humiliated, the Air Force leadership gave a letter of reprimand to the rower for poor performance. Initiated a $4 billion program for development of a new joint-service canoe, blamed the loss on a design defect in the paddles, and issued career continuation bonuses and leather rowing jackets to the beleaguered steering officers in the hopes they would stay for next year’s race.

Meanwhile, the Army team is still trying to figure out why the oars keep making divots in the grass when they’re rowing.

Q: “Hey, buddy, how late do the filkers play?”
A: “Oh, about half a beat behind…”

Q: What’s the definition of a stockbroker?
A: Someone who invests your money till’ it’s all gone.



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