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Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who in the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and began. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightening strikes, taking out the electricity.

Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”

“Very well, then, ” says God, “Let us see if Jesus fared any better.”

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?”

God chuckles, “Everybody knows … Jesus saves!”

Have you heard about the new presidential limousine?
It’s called the Pervertible…the top goes up and the intern goes down.

Q: What is the range of a tuba?

A: Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm.

Why does Hillary Clinton wear high collared blouses?
So you won’t see her Adam’s apple move when Bill talks.

Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?

A: Violists.

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