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Q: Where can you find a good drummer?

A: In the cemetery

Q: What does Clinton do to lose weight?

A: Runs away from the draft.

Dear God:

Yesterday was an awful day for me…

My husband ran off with his secretary,

My son pierced his eyebrow,

My daughter tattooed the bald spot on her head,

My dog mated with the neighbors cat,

My neighbor sold her house to a mental institution,

My Mom told me I was adopted,

My Dad told me he’s gay,

My boss told me I was laid off,

My sister was arrested for prostitution,

My house has termites,

My car was stolen,

All that came in the mail was bills,

A plane, crash landed on my garage,

OJ Simpson came to my door selling rug cleaner,

And my TV blew.

Lord, please be with me today.

I was able to live through all that misery yesterday.

And I will be able to make it through anything today! But please….



Q: How are lead singers like lawn mowers?

A: They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t work.

Q: What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone?

A: He turned into Hillary!

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