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Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?

A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

Q: Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?
A: If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.

Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.

“Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.”

“Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.”

“Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!”

“Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?”

“Hand me that … uh … that uh….. thingie”

“Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?”

“There go the lights again…”

“Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys.. and this guy’s got two of’ ’em.”

“Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!”

“Could you stop that thing from beating; it’s throwing my concentration off.”

“What’s this doing here?”

“I hate it when they’re missing stuff in here.”

“That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!”

“Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.”

“Sterile, shcmedle. The floor’s clean, right?”

“What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change…”

“OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature!”

“This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?”

“Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?”

“Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.”

“What do you mean you want a divorce?”

“FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!”

“Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!”

This statement was made by Representative Dick Armey when asked whether he would resign if he were in the president’s place:

“If I were in the president’s place I would not get a chance to resign. I would be lying in a pool of my own blood hearing Mrs. Armey standing over me saying, ‘How do I reload this damned thing?'”

© 2015