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Q: What’s the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an average all-pro offensive lineman?
A: Stage makeup.

ABSOLUTION

While the Pope was in the States he decided to grant absolution to three sinners.

The first person to come up was Hugh Grant. The Pope asked, “What is your sin?”

“I cheated on my girlfriend and got caught.”

The Pope replied, “Kneel down. I’ll bless you and grant you absolution.”

Next in line was Bill Clinton. “What was your sin, son?”

“I cheated on my wife.” The Philanderer in Chief replied.

“Kneel down, my son. I’ll bless you and grant you absolution.”

A third person came up and the Pope asked, “What is your name?”

“Monica Lewinsky.”

The Pope stroked his chin. “Hmmmm. Perhaps you should remain standing . . . “

Did you hear about the snake that took Viagra and ended up as a walking stick?

They’ve discovered the secret ingredient in Viagra.
Fix-a-Flat!

Viagra has been a big boon to “stand up” comedians.

The man spent too much money on Viagra: Now, he’s hard up.

Viagra in chocolate bars – you eat it … she says, “Oh, Oh Henry!”

A bank sign in Dallas during this heat wave complains: “Who put Viagra in the thermometer?”

Bread with Viagra as an added ingredient is being marketed through a Boston bakery under the name “Pepperidge Firm.”

Have you tried the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you’re up all night.

A guy said that he left his Viagra tablet in his shirt pocket when he sent it to the laundry. Now, his shirt is too stiff to wear.

Q: How many central bank economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one – he holds the lightbulb and the whole earth revolves around him.

Three leading economists took a small plane to the wilderness in northern Canada to hunt moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was , remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back.
But of course, they killed one each and come sunday, they talked the pilot into letting them bring all three dead moose onboard. So just after takeoff, the plane stalled and crashed. In the wreckage, one of the economists woke up, looked around and said. where the hell are we. Oh, just about a hundred yards east of the place there we crashed last year.



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