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Why does Hillary Clinton wear high collared blouses?
So you won’t see her Adam’s apple move when Bill talks.

* You feel Fidelity means not cheating on your mistress.

* You think that pornography corrupts women, but find nothing wrong with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern.

* You cry every May 4th over the four people killed at Kent State, but have never been to the Vietnam Memorial.

* Along the same lines, “Four Dead in OHIO” by Neil Young gives you goosebumps, but “19″ by Paul Hardcastle means nothing to you.

* You say shows like “Leave It to Beaver” are out of touch with America today, while you flip to your soap opera.

* You know of the stockpile of biological weapons in Iraq, but think that the US is wrong for not signing the land mines treaty.

* You want to know why we don’t offer schooling in prisons (hey, isn’t that what public schools are for).

* You think those stupid ribbons actually accomplish something.

* You tout the NAACP, but criticize anyone referring to a black man as a “colored person.”

* You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn’t put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women.

* You feel that banning smoking in public indoor places limits your constitutional rights.

* You feel that being convicted of treason is an infringement on your first amendment rights.

* You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability benefits.

* You outwardly said “I would have voted for Elizabeth Dole” knowing darn well you wouldn’t have because she is a Republican.

* You think it is ok for a President to commit perjury on his sex life, but criticize Dan Quayle for spelling potato/potatoe wrong.

* You stood on a soapbox demanding that Anita Hill be heard, but want Paula Jones’ accusations to be swept under the rug.

* You think the guy who drops out of High School and builds your jeep deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10 years and saves your kids life.

* You sang along to “Give Peace a Chance” during the Gulf War.

* You’ve filed for unemployment within two weeks of getting out of high school.

* You went to Woodstock II and felt that it was a significant historical event, changing the way our country thinks.

* You own something that says, “Dukakis for President,” and still display it.

* You’ve tried to argue in favor of anything based on, “Well, they’re gonna do it anyway so…”

* You’ve ever said, “We really should call the ACLU about this.”

* You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.

* You ever based an argument on the phrase, “But they can afford a tax hike because…”

* You’ve ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.

* You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.

* You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.

* You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.

* After looking at your pay stub you can still say, “America is undertaxed.”

Q:When Better Than Ezra took the number one spot on the college music charts, who was at number two?


Clinton’s new anti-tobacco message: “Don’t put that cigar in your mouth, you don’t know where it has been!!”

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors,” and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me, I’ll just be a second.”

A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, “Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: “You’re looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development.” And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.

So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

© 2015