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In a heroic dogfight, fought over international waters off the mainland China coast, a 60s era American-built Lockheed Electra propeller airliner with 24 US Navy passengers/observers aboard chewed up one of China’s best state-of-the-art supersonic fighter aircraft.

The Americans utilizing the infrequently seen combat tactic of straight and level flight, often accomplished by relying solely on auto pilot, engaged the unfortunate single seat combat jet and knocked it out of the air using only one of its four formidable rotating air mass propeller weapons system.

After the action, the crew and passengers/observers dropped in on China’s Hainan Island Resort for some much-deserved R&R as guests of the Chinese government.

Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?

A: A sharp major.

A PRESIDENT IN LOVE
(To the tune of Dion’s “A Teenager in Love”)

Last night we had a quarrel
Over a cute little tart
‘Cause I lost my head
From the very start.

Every night I think Ken Starr’s heard too much
Why must I be a President in love!?!

One day I loved old Hillary
Next day I was a cad
Guess I’m just a rake
A fun lovin’ happy lad.

Every night I think Ken Starr’s heard too much
Why must I be a President in love!?!

The dress was smeared
The blouse was too
I’ll be a happy man
If Monica says I do.

Every night I think Ken Starr’s heard too much
Why must I be a President in love!?!

If you wanna have sex with me
I’d like to do it too
And if you want to tell a lie
I’ll just go and pardon you.

Every night I think Ken Starr’s heard too much
Why must I be a President in love!?!

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s work place

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve

404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located

GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake

WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust.

“Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?”

“That’s right, not even McGyver could fix it.”

“So — what are you wearing?”

“Duuuuuude! Bummer!”

“Looks like you’re gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap’n.”

“Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you’re with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you’re with the FTC.”

“We can fix this, but you’re gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery.”

“In layman’s terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect.”

“Hold on a second… Mom! Timmy’s hitting me!”

“Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics.”

“Please hold for Mr. Gates’ attorney.”



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