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Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager’s office.
“What is the meaning of this?” the manager asked. “When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years’ experience. Now we discover this is the first job you’ve ever had.”
“Well,” the young man said, “in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”

* Invited entire tech support department to play golf. Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.

* Steve Jobs started work today. The silverware looks great, but he doesn’t do windows — yet.

* The baby cries constantly. Maybe I’ll buy Fisher-Price.

* Bought my first Macintosh. It’s sooooo cute!

* Good day. Found over 15 bucks’ worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.

* Bad day. Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.

* Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner. Yes!

* Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!

* Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.

* Ran into Demi and Bruce. Upped my offer to a billion dollars.

* Seventh day: Rested.

Q: What do computers eat when they get hungry?
A: Chips.

An economist is someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about – and make you feel it’s your fault.

A Hornplayer is fishing. Suddenly he catches a Fish! But the fish says to the hornplayer: “If you let me go, I will tell you two important things about your future, I have good news and I have bad news for you.”

“That’s a deal”, the horn-player says.

“Well, the good news is, when you are going to die, you will play 2nd horn in heaven, next to Buyanovski!”

“Woooooow!!” the hornplayer screams, “that’s great!”

“Yeah,” the fish says, “but the bad news is that you will have to start tomorrow!”

© 2015