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Q: If you throw a conductor and a violist off a tall building, who’ll hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?

Q: How is a savings bond like a musician?

A: Eventually it may mature and make some money.

What is the difference between Monica Lewinsky and a Hoover vacuum?
Where the dirt bag attaches.

What is the diffference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead squirrel lying in the road?

The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.

Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. Everytime the young nurse came in, she would say in a patronising tone, “And how are we doing this morning?!”

Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.

The nurse came in and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at it and says, “It seems we are a little cloudy today…” At this, Harry snatches the bottle out of her hand, drinks its contents, saying, “Well, I’ll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time.”

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