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When Chelsea was in Girl Scouts, it was mom Hillary that helped with selling the cookies. Why not dad?
Because they caught him nibbling on the Brownies!

Q: What kind of teachers do you find at the South Pole?

A: Cold Ones.

An application was for employment,
A program was a TV show,
A cursor used profanity,
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age,
A CD was a bank account,
And a floppy disk was something
T erribly wrong in your back.

Compress was something you did to garbage,
N ot something you did to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public,
You’d be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire,
Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut – you did with a pocket knife,
Paste you did with glue.
A web was a spider’s home,
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper,
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody’s killed in a computer crash,
But when it happens, they wish they were dead!

Q: Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, “lawyer” is always the third thing they look up?
A: Because the first thing a child looks up is “dog.” The second is “snake.” And under snake, the encyclopedia says “See Lawyer.”

Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?

Violins don’t have spit valves.

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