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* These aren’t your father’s cigars … or your mother’s, for that matter.

* When’s the last time you had a good stiff Cuban?

* Because size really does matter.

* The bigger the hole, the bigger we roll.

* Available in small, medium, and donkey sizes.

* The “fun-to-put-in” carcinogen!

* New ribs for her pleasure. (oops.. that was for condoms)

* After a strokin’ it’s still good for smokin’.

* Long enough for a man, but made for a woman.

* Won’t leave a mess all over her dress!

* All the flavor of a fine Cuban cigar…with the pungent aroma of a tuna canning factory!

* These won’t go floppy in your mouth.

* The best thing you’ll ever find in a box.

* Melts in your mouth, not in her muff!

* Cigars… they’re not just for oral pleasure any more.

* Batteries not included.

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal
and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a
long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone
tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked,
“Aren’t you Moses?” But the man wouldn’t listen to him
and continued walking. George asked him again, “Aren’t
you Moses?” The old man continued ignoring him, even
turning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man’s
arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, “Answer me
– Aren’t you Moses?” The man replies, “I’m not saying
shit! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming
the desert for 40 years!”

Q: What’s the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal?

A: Fornigate.

You Know You’re In A Cheap HMO When…

Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.

Directions to your doctor’s office include, “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”

Tongue depressors taste faintly of fudgesicle.

The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.

The only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is “An apple a day.”

Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

“Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges” is not a typo.

The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

Q: What’s the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion?

A: A chainsaw can be tuned.

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