Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100253 jokes and pictures!


Just recently Monica applied to be a Doctor, but she was quickly denied after they found out that she had sucked as an intern!

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.
As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything. Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments.
They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the doctor said, “Preacher, why did you ask us to come?”
The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves and that’s how I want to go.”

Q: Well, then what do you call someone who sees the glass in front of him as half empty?

A: Teddy Kennedy.

Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did?

A: A dead girlfriend.

10. Day one: Start an official sounding rumor about your boss being considered for a big promotion. Day two: Spread a rumor that the promotion involves your boss heading up a new facility in Bosnia.

9. Whenever a co-worker asks if you want coffee, say, “No thanks, it doesn’t mix well with thorazine.”

8. Attach 10 or so bottles of white-out to the inside of your suit jacket. Every time you pass a co-worker, surreptitiously open your jacket and whisper, “I got white-out here; three bucks a pop; good quality stuff; who needs white-out?”

7. Bring several large mason jars to work and fill them part way with water and yellow food coloring; display them conspicuously around your work space. Tell anyone who asks about them that you are just taking part in an efficiency study that your boss came up with to cut down on the time employees spend away from their desks.

6. Tell your boss that you intend to spread out your vacation time by taking off one minute out of every 25. Spend all your time planning your vacations.

5. Secretly replace the coffee your boss usually drinks with new Folger’s Crystals.

4. Keep a tally of what your boss wears on ‘casual’ Friday. when you see a pattern develop, distribute the tally to co-workers and start a weekly pool.

3. Dress like a pirate for the office Halloween party. Dress like a pirate every other day of the year as well.

2. Sign up your boss as a volunteer for Junior Achievement, Save The Children Foundation, Keep America Beautiful, the local branch of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, UNICEF, Hands Across America, Points of Light Foundation, and the kicker, AARP.

1. Show up hung-over, leave drunk.



© 2015 ijokedb.com