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Why are scientists breeding guitarist instead of rats for science expirements?

because they breed faster and you don’t get as attatched to them.

Two lawyers have a suicide pact; they will jump off the towers of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco at exactly the same time. Each has nearly the same body type and their weights are identical. One is wearing a brown suit; the other is wearing a blue suit. Question: Who hits the bay first? Answer: Who cares?!

Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton a miracle child?

A: Because lawyers use their personalities for birth control.

My Mom got the Amish flu. First she got a little horse, then she got a little buggy.

A son takes his father to the doctor. The doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer.

The father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.

While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, “Dad, you’re dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you’re dying of AIDS?”

The father replies, “I don’t want them screwing your mother after I’m gone!”



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