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One day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants,
and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around his
penis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctor
says, “I cant figure out what it is. So I’ll give you some
medicine, and if it doesn’t work, come back. Ill give you
something else.” So clinton takes the perscription and takes the
pills as directed and comes back in 2 weeks. The physician
then hands him a different prescription and he comes back in
3 weeks this time. Then, instead of giving him a prescription
he gives him a small tube-like capsule. The doctor says,”Rub this
around the offending circle and come back tomorrow. Clinton
returns the next day and starts shouting, “Wow! That stuff was
terriffic doc! What was thast concoction? It worked great!”
The doctor then calmly replied; Lipstick remover.

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
Experienced mathematicians will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.

Computer programmers hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass,
a. Catch each animal seen.
b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
c. Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

Economists don’t hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
Experienced economists never saw an elephant, but they try to hunt one by controlling the interest rates.

Statisticians hunt the first gray animal they see N times and call it an elephant.
Experienced statisticians add that there is a small probability that the animal they hunted is a mouse.

Lawyers can let hunting a single elephant drag out for several years.
Experienced lawyers can make it last even longer.

Consultants don’t hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.
Experienced consultants can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.

Politicians don’t hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.
Experienced politicians take the elephant for themselves and blame the press.

Managers set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
Experienced managers keep in the project file the advise that claims that elephants are just like field mice.

Sales people don’t hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven’t caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.
Experienced sales people ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.

Computer sales people catch gray animals at random, and sell any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
Experienced computer sales people catch gray rabbits, and sell them as desktop elephants.

Gone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet.

The Pope dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, Saint Peter shows him to his new quarters which turn out to be a tiny one bedroom apartment.

The Pope is horrified and wants to know why he doesn’t have the penthouse apartment, which is huge.

Saint Peter informs him that the resident of the penthouse is a lawyer.

“A lawyer,” says the Pope. “But I’m the Pope, surely I’m more important.”

“With respect Sir,” says Saint Peter, “We have lots of Pope’s up here, but we only have ONE lawyer!”

How do you make a double bass sound in tune?

Chop it up and make it into a xylophone.

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