Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100253 jokes and pictures!


Bob Dole, Dan Quayle, and Bill Clinton all get sucked up by a tornado (or is that tornadoe – sorry for the Dan Quayle humor) and deposited safely in the Land of Oz.

Due to being disoriented, they look around and wander aimlessly for a few minutes before they figure out where they are (the yellow-brick road and all).

Bob Dole says, “Seeing as how we’re in Oz, I’m going to the Wizard and ask for a heart.”

Dan Quayle replies, ” I’ll go with you and I’ll ask the Wizard for a brain.”

Bill Clinton looks around a little more and says, “I wonder where Dorothy is?”

The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor
asked him the standard questions — age, height, weight, and then he asked
when was the last time the general had sex.
‘Oh,’ he mused, ‘It was 1945.’
‘Isn’t that a long time to go without sex?’ the doctor asked.
‘I don’t think so. According to your clock it’s only 21:13.’

The answer to the eternal question “Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?”

Michael Jordan makes over $300,000 a game. That’s $10,000 a minute, at an average 30 minutes per game. With $40 million in endorsements, he makes $178,100 a day, working or not.

* If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
* If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.
* If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
* He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
* He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
* If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
* If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
* He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
* Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), he will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
* If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you’d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
* He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics.
* He’ll make about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
* While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.
* This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.

Amazing isn’t it?

However, if Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 250 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

Game over. Nerd wins.

The Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported that Yugoslavian
air defenses had shot down a NATO F-16 just after nightfall
while the jet was on a bombing run. The plane crashed into
an empty field, creating a huge crater. Serbian search and
rescue workers have recovered 307 bodies so far, proving
that NATO is using Albanian men, women and children terrorists
to wage their war of terror from the sky.

A man walked into a curio shop and began to browse. He was attracted to a brass rat on a shelf behind the counter. He asked the shopkeeper for a price, and was told to make an offer. Presently, they agreed on a price, and the brass rat changed hands.

The shopkeeper warned the customer as he took the money, “This sale is final. If you leave the shop with the brass rat, I won’t take it back under any circumstances.” The customer agreed and left with the rat.

As he walked home, he noticed that a live rat came scurrying out of an alley and began to follow him. Soon there were more, all following him and milling about his feet. The man began to run, but the rats kept up, and more joined the procession. After a few minutes, thousands of rats were chasing after the man.

The man ran frantically for the river and threw the brass rat into the water. The live rats followed the brass rat and soon all had drowned.

The man returned to the curio shop, and on seeing him enter, the shopkeeper shouted, “I told you, the sale was final! You cannot return the brass rat!”

The customer replied, “That’s no problem. I just wondered if you had a brass lawyer in stock.”



© 2015 ijokedb.com